I illegally carried a gun for three years. Why I did it and what I learned.

For the past three years I illegally carried a gun in New Jersey. Last week I officially moved to Pennsylvania. Free of New Jersey's tyranny I now wish to share my story with you, along with the reasoning for my actions and the lessons I've learned. I do not promote or endorse the action of illegally carrying a gun in anyway, I simply wish to share the little knowledge I've gathered on the off chance others will benefit from it.I was born and raised in the state of New Jersey. For the past three years of my life I worked and went to college in city of Newark. My commute consisted of driving to a parking garage and then walking about 10 blocks. Three years ago there were a string of armed robberies and one fatal mugging in and around my area of commute. At this point I began to feel unsafe, my day often ended late, and I often ended up walking back to my car in the dark. However, I assured myself that if any altercation where to occur I could simply comply with the assailant and then call the police afterwards. I figured it was better to lose my wallet than my life.This false sense of security was shattered when I saw another man get stabbed (non-fatally) right in front of me over his cellphone. I watched the man comply, giving his mugger the phone, and then have a knife shoved into his side. The violence had no reasoning, it was just violence committed against an innocent man, a man that could have just as easily been me; and could have just as easily been fatal if the knife had been thrust in a slightly different way. I realized for the first time in my life that the police could not effectively protect me on a day to day basis, and I wanted to bear responsibility for the safety of my own life, even if it meant breaking the law.I had grown up around guns and my father taught me how to shoot at a young age. I had previously taken several defensive handgun classes to satisfy out of state CCW license requirements (although such license are legally useless in NJ). I also frequent shot my guns for leisure and competition. Bearing this in mind I was confident in my ability to use a gun if I had to. That is not to say, however, that I absolutely was certain of my abilities, only that I felt I had a leg up from the average Joe in the event I was ever forced into a defensive shooting situation.Having made my decision to take my life into my own hands I sought out a gun. I already had an FPID card and had bought both long guns and handguns in the past. I decided on a pistol based on online advice and advice from friends in other states. I bought a small subcompact pistol (the make and model of which I will omit because the state of New Jersey probably still has it on their registry) and a holster designed for low profile carry. Initially I practiced carrying the gun around my home at first, getting used to the weight and feel. I practiced drawing at least once a day, and I frequently made trips to the range to practice my marksmanship.I began carrying in public about two weeks after my initial purchase of the gun. To put it mildly, I was absolutely paranoid. I would hurry into the bathroom every 30 minutes or so to readjust the holster, making sure I looked normal in the mirror. I found myself much more conscious about my gate, making it difficult to walk without tripping over myself. Every glance, every look, from strangers and passersby sent a little chill down my spine. "Do they know? Are they going to suddenly point at me and screech like the aliens from They Live?". Yet, after about a week or two of carrying, this paranoia began to subside. I began to walk normally again. I no longer had the impulse to clutch my side with every step. I continued to constantly checked myself to make sure I wasn't printing, but in a way which became second nature and not a suspicious, anxious action. For three years I did this, every day, these are some of the most important things I learned.People aren't as attentive as they seem.As I mentioned before people's eyes won't immediately gravitate towards your waste when you're carrying a gun. In fact, the idea that others around them could be carrying guns probably doesn't cross the mind of most people. The burden is on you to not draw attention to yourself. People will only know something is off if you let on to it, if you act calm and collected they'll assume nothing is out of the ordinary.Don't make mistakes, if you do you don't panic. Panicking makes mistakes worse.In my three years of illegal carry only one other person saw that I had a gun. It was a mistake on my part and I'm still regretful of it. I went to urinate in a public restroom and when I stepped up to the urinal and undid my fly my pants fell just a bit, exposing the grip of my gun. I realized this when I saw the man next to me staring at my waist out of the corner of my eye. In a display of quick wits which impressed even myself I simply turned and said "Don't worry, I have a license" with a quiet, friendly tone. This wasn't technically a lie, since I did have a license, it just wasn't valid in New Jersey. This seemed to satisfy him, as we both went about our business and I never heard about it again. Had I panicked, or otherwise made myself seem suspicious, the interaction could have gone very differently.Also, I now only urinate in restroom stalls.The best way to handle a confrontation is to simply avoid it.Considering that actually using my gun to defend myself could have potentially meant imprisonment I took every measure possible to avoid the need to do so. I went out of my way to stay in well lit areas, I purposefully avoided pan handlers (not that I have anything against them, I just adopted a "better safe than sorry" philosophy), I let clearly impatient people take parking spaces despite having gotten their first, and two different times I was rear ended and ended up paying the cost out of pocket rather than try and confront the other person to get their insurance. I accepted the fact that saving my own life would probably cost me my freedom, in doing so it made me realized how I should protect my life through my actions, not just with my weapon.Cops aren't superhumansPolice do not have superhuman gun sensing abilities. They might have some training in recognizing potential threats but behavior is still the key component in determining if someone is acting suspiciously. Walk normally, if they greet you greet them back, carry on with your business, and they won't even know you're there. Clutching your side, abruptly turning around, or suddenly ducking into a business to try and avoid police is only go to draw attention to yourself and make officers more suspicious of you and your actions. I've walked passed countless police and, while I did feel nervous the first few times, after a while I realized they weren't out on a beat solely to look for people illegally carrying. If you don't act suspicious you won't be suspicious.I now live in a state that doesn't restrict my constitutional right to keep and bear arms. I still carry regularly (and now legally), yet I haven't forgotten these key points. I feel that, while I never had to use my gun, the experience was still invaluable, and made me better appreciate the gravity of carrying a gun, and the responsibility that comes with it.Edit: spelling and grammar via /r/CCW http://ift.tt/2mKsIr0