I am interested in getting into Martial Arts mostly because I want to get more exercise and go out and meet people. Tho another factor is I would like to learn to protect myself in IRL situations. I've been put in a few scenarios where I've been threatened and thankfully nothing came of it but that was usually due to the intervention of a third party.
The other night I was at a friend's birthday in a beautiful village in Spain. There was a local celebration with music and art shows, and we were sitting on a bar terrace around midnight. I was tired but in a good mood.
A drunk guy came over asking for a lighter. I told him I didn't have one, and he replied something like, "I'd only accept a lighter from a lady anyway." I jokingly said, "Well, nobody's going to give you one anyway."
He immediately got closer and started insulting me—telling me I should shoot myself, get out of this world, that I was uneducated, that I didn't use my brain, etc. I hadn't really said anything to him beyond that first comment. My friends were talking among themselves and didn't really notice what was happening.
I was confused because his aggression was intense enough that I started wondering whether I was justified in physically defending myself if he attacked. At the same time, I didn't want some drunk stranger to ruin my night. Looking back, I wonder if my first response was a mistake. Maybe if I'd simply ignored him, he would've walked away.
Instead, I let him talk for a while and eventually decided to ignore him. He then moved on to my female friend, bothering her, kissing her hand and asking her for a cigarette while she was clearly uncomfortable. I still didn't intervene physically.
Eventually he left. Nothing happened, but I had a huge adrenaline spike during the confrontation and felt strangely defeated afterwards. The next day I realized how much the encounter had affected me. I had let some random drunk guy get inside my head and ruin my mood.
I'm still unsure what the right approach was. Maybe the best option was to ignore him from the very beginning. But once he was already in my space and bothering my friend, part of me felt I should have imposed myself more firmly and told him to leave. The problem was that I didn't want things to become physical and I was afraid of it.
A year ago I had a similar situation with another drunk guy, and I felt confident enough to stand my ground until he backed off. This time the guy seemed much more willing to fight and I was also more tired to be imposing.
So, what would you have done? Would you have ignored him from the start? At what point do you think ignoring someone stops being the right response? And for situations like this, what martial art would you recommend—especially something focused on controlling or neutralizing someone rather than just punching them? How to act classy yet imposing in such scenario? What can I do now to feel better about myself?
I often see a common idea in martial arts discussions:
that you need to become “more aggressive” to be effective in self-defense.
But in my experience (teaching and training in silat/kali), it’s almost the opposite.
Aggression and violence are not the same thing:
- aggression can be a useful energy
- but violence is often loss of control
Most traditional systems don’t try to increase aggression,
they try to channel it — so you can act without panic under pressure.
I wrote a short article about this (with a bit more nuance):
https://gelanggangpenditabunian.blogspot.com/2025/05/violence-agressivite-developper-ou.html
Curious to hear your take:
Do you train to become more aggressive, or more controlled?
I recently purchased a 3 OZ container of some powerful pepper spray, and I felt safer than I ever have before. I even bought another one, which was more of a cone fog rather than a stream for certain environments.
While looking at the products and doing more research, I noticed my city only allows people to carry 1.25 oz of pepper spray.
Even before I was serious about carrying pepper spray on a daily basis, I had one that was 1.8-oz and did not have the slightest clue that what I was doing was illegal, since the majority of pepper spray on Amazon is over 1.25-oz, and it seems the most popular ones under 1.25 oz are the Saber 0.75-oz containers.
I feel awful about this since it seemed, other than a firearm, that the pepper spray I thought I could carry is now illegal, and I have to resort to lesser-grade and shorter-lasting products to replace the ones I have.
It seems the topic has rarely been addressed, and I was wondering if anyone has experience carrying a container of pepper spray over the legally justified amount, or if I should get rid of the ones I have?
The rule seems ridiculous since most people attempting to defend themselves may want a larger container. I wonder how the use of a 3-oz container would be viewed in court if it is legally justified.
Context: this video
https://x.com/AltRightEspan/status/2089733087538126899
Some say the man is weak for not returning the kick back , some say he did the right thing. For me , I think he did one simple mistake. Turning his back on the aggressor. I would never turn my back in any verbal altercations. Unless I can make a good space between me and the guy, or we settled it down by apologising and moving on. Turning me back give him an opportunity. Yet , this is weird. The guy kicked you and the other guy didn't do a thing. How is that the right thing? Watching this video boiled my blood , I felt I wanna grab the guy and fucking eat him alive. When should we fight really? I know physical fights have consequences. And we shouldn't fight , but even here??? At least hit him in the balls . Do something. But again , the whole thing should have been avoided from the start by apologising and smiling and moving on. That is the bigger guy
