I went to my first ever self defense class and I got scared and left

When I signed up, the class teacher and I texted back and forth, and he said I was welcome to come to the first few classes for free. He said that it was self defense and a mix of martial arts. I told him I’d love to join, but that I am shy (I’m extremely afraid of a man attacking me and hurting me. My dad used to always scream at me, and at times my dad said I made him want to hit me, and that I had made him regret ever becoming a father. I’ve been harassed and touched and grabbed at every job I’ve ever had. I’m just scared and I wanted a class where I could learn some moves and believe I’m not helpless)

I told the trainer that I may need to just watch at some parts, and I asked if that would be okay. (I can’t have a stranger full on attacking me yet. It scares me and I don’t know this teacher.)

He said yes through text, and that it wouldn’t be a problem at all.

My boyfriend was very proud that I built up the courage to attend self defense because he knows I’m afraid of men harming me because of all the ways I get harassed regularly.

When I got there, one side of the dojo had some people who were laughing and wrestling. One of them was on top of the other, and I thought “okay. That looks scary, but he won’t make me do that on my first try.”

While he and I talked, I nervously gestured to girl who was being straddled and pinned down to the ground pretty aggressively. “Okay I don’t think I can do that haha” I said. He looked at me kind of annoyed, and said that a man may put me in that position one day and it will be too late for me to defend myself if I don’t learn.

My boyfriend has worked with me about my fears of being raped or harmed by men, and has told me that I will not ever get assaulted, and he has worked hard to earn my trust. Hearing this random new man tell me that men will very likely try to straddle me and pin me down was really jarring and it made me rethink everything my boyfriend told me.

I really thought I would go in there and come out with some confidence, but the teacher started talking about how someone might start choking me against the wall one day and “what are you going to do?”.

It scared me so bad that this man I’ve never met was describing all the ways I was vulnerable.

I said “I was thinking I could work up to that, but not on my first class. Maybe I could watch that part. I just can’t have someone like, choking me”.

He talked at one point about how I might get strangled against a wall (gesturing to one of the walls in his class) and “what are you going to do?” I just got quiet and said “I don’t know” and just kind of looked down. He said “you don’t know” or something like that? And he said I had to learn somehow before it was too late.

I kept saying that maybe I could work up to that, but that I was a beginner and I may need to work up to these things. He kept replying that I had no plan for if someone strangled me or something like that.

Eventually I made an excuse that I needed to just have a private lesson sometime. He said he would call me tomorrow, and I left quickly. I don’t want to talk to him ever again.

I got in my car and didn’t expect to start crying.

My eyes got all watery and I realized how much I had dreamed of coming to that dojo. I had imagined where my parking space would be every week, how I would make lots of friends there, over future years of attending and training, how I would learn to be strong and not helpless and scared all the time. I had dreamed that I could build up my confidence there, and keep trying and training, and pick up self defense or kick boxing as a hobby. I didn’t realize that I had so many hopes of this place teaching me how to push away men at work who want to touch me (one of them did today at work, and then laughed at my startled expression).

I’m scared, and I thought I had found some light in the dark but I’m just still scared and I feel extremely defeated and vulnerable again.

I don’t even want to tell my boyfriend I failed because he was so excited to see how excited I was to find a place where I could build my confidence up, over the next few years.

Submitted July 17, 2026 at 08:14PM by Dangerous_Matter_208 https://ift.tt/TWRQnY5

[Beginner] Planning my self-defense journey: Need tips on what to do

Quick note: Hey everyone, just a quick heads-up: I used an AI assistant to help me write and translate this post because my English isn't very good (or at least, I don't feel super confident with it yet). I wanted to make sure my ideas and questions came across clearly without any misunderstandings. Thanks for your patience and understanding! Greeting from Brazil!!!

Hi everyone!

I am currently planning to start my self-defense journey. However, I have a very clear philosophy: for me, violence is strictly the absolute last resort. My primary goal is to learn how to defend myself and others (family, friends, or vulnerable people) while prioritizing control and the safety of everyone involved, without resorting to active physical aggression unless it is 100% necessary.

As I am building my training schedule and theoretical study plan, I would love to get your advice on a few specific questions. Any guidance or tips you can share to help point me in the right direction would be highly appreciated!

1. What are the "passive" and control techniques called?

Since I plan on hiring instructors for the physical, active side of training (like Boxing and Jiu-Jitsu), I want to dedicate my solo study time to the mental and strategic aspects.

• What are the technical names for passive defense methodologies and concepts? (I know terms like Situational Awareness, but what other concepts or frameworks should I look up?)
• Which books or manuals do you recommend for studying these passive techniques, tactical communication, verbal de-escalation, and the psychology of combat/violence?

2. Standards of Evolution: How to measure progress?

In bodybuilding, you have very clear, objective standards to measure your evolution (e.g., muscle mass, definition, body fat percentage, or how much weight you can lift on the bench press).

• What are the equivalent "standards" or benchmarks in martial arts and self-defense?
• What concrete physical, technical, or mental milestones can I use to track my evolution and know I am actually getting better? (For example, is it based on sparring performance against resisting opponents, reaction time or specific physical fitness metrics?)

3. Training Time, Proficiency, and the 5-Year Plan

I am mapping out a medium-to-long-term plan for my physical and technical development.

• On average, how long does it take to become genuinely proficient in Boxing or Jiu-Jitsu (JJ)?
• Is a 5-year horizon of consistent training enough to reach a level of proficiency where I can realistically rely on it in a high-stress street situation?
• Beyond sports-centric belt ranks, what parameters define someone as being "street-ready" or "good" at actual self-defense?

4. Training Routine and Hiring

I want to take this very seriously and invest maximum effort into it.

• Who exactly should I hire? Should I look for a personal trainer with a traditional martial arts background, an urban self-defense instructor (like civilian-focused Krav Maga), or specific individual coaches for Boxing and BJJ?
• Is training 3 times a week sufficient (or sustainable)? I am willing to dedicate myself intensely, but I want to know if this frequency is productive for motor learning or if it will just lead to overtraining and injuries that will set me back.

Thank you in advance to everyone who takes the time to share their experience and help me kick off this journey on the right foot!

Submitted July 17, 2026 at 08:08AM by soumaperguntaman https://ift.tt/wrcyKUM

Chang Sing Training Methodologies

https://youtu.be/lgviEYFZlUU?si=UVAFpTNzZio39Pxp

Submitted July 16, 2026 at 01:13PM by Miao_Yin8964 https://ift.tt/hDzvE3H

What can I do to fight back against people heavier than in school.

So I am 16M 47KG(last time I checked in Feb) and somewhere between 5'7-5'8 in height.

So I am having some people in my school who are always looking up to fight and while some go to gym and do strength training most of them are just heavier than me like 70-80KGs some ever more although they are smaller than me in height like maybe a inch or two.

Main point here is that I might get in a fight with some of them not because I want to buy they like to sort out things with fight and always have that egoistic personality so I want some advice how can I fight back if it takes place as i can't always expect a teacher to be there in situations where a fight can't be avoided sometimes

Submitted July 15, 2026 at 11:00AM by NotMurphyLaw https://ift.tt/eEat5GA

What should I have done when I got headlocked at school?

I'm a highschool student. I've never been in any serious altercations, and I'm mild mannered and don't cause issues with anyone. One day I was sitting at a lucnh table with my friend, and someone came up behind me and put his arm around my neck and lifted me up (headlock). I was trying to pull his arm off me but it didn't work. After a few seconds he released me and I just froze and looked up at him. What should I have done? How can I make sure things like this don't happen at school?

Submitted July 14, 2026 at 12:19PM by BallBig2552 https://ift.tt/MYHayhC

Is holding a lighter in the fist while punching really beneficial?

I came across multiple times people saying that it gives a stronger punch and reduced the risk of self injury. Is that true? And if its true is there any tool thats even better or specific designed for this purpose?

Submitted July 13, 2026 at 10:53AM by Professional-Self-83 https://ift.tt/IiVLfjk

How to keep safe Uber eats on a bike?

Hey, so I started Uber eats on my bike and I'm concerned about it taking me into a rough area. I thought about doing a belt holster of mace, but I'm concerned about the safety coming undone and id accidentally spray myself while riding. Or maybe should I carry a taser?

Submitted July 13, 2026 at 08:36AM by Thin-Fee4423 https://ift.tt/PsAFgyu