I am interested in getting into Martial Arts mostly because I want to get more exercise and go out and meet people. Tho another factor is I would like to learn to protect myself in IRL situations. I've been put in a few scenarios where I've been threatened and thankfully nothing came of it but that was usually due to the intervention of a third party.
The other night I was at a friend's birthday in a beautiful village in Spain. There was a local celebration with music and art shows, and we were sitting on a bar terrace around midnight. I was tired but in a good mood.
A drunk guy came over asking for a lighter. I told him I didn't have one, and he replied something like, "I'd only accept a lighter from a lady anyway." I jokingly said, "Well, nobody's going to give you one anyway."
He immediately got closer and started insulting me—telling me I should shoot myself, get out of this world, that I was uneducated, that I didn't use my brain, etc. I hadn't really said anything to him beyond that first comment. My friends were talking among themselves and didn't really notice what was happening.
I was confused because his aggression was intense enough that I started wondering whether I was justified in physically defending myself if he attacked. At the same time, I didn't want some drunk stranger to ruin my night. Looking back, I wonder if my first response was a mistake. Maybe if I'd simply ignored him, he would've walked away.
Instead, I let him talk for a while and eventually decided to ignore him. He then moved on to my female friend, bothering her, kissing her hand and asking her for a cigarette while she was clearly uncomfortable. I still didn't intervene physically.
Eventually he left. Nothing happened, but I had a huge adrenaline spike during the confrontation and felt strangely defeated afterwards. The next day I realized how much the encounter had affected me. I had let some random drunk guy get inside my head and ruin my mood.
I'm still unsure what the right approach was. Maybe the best option was to ignore him from the very beginning. But once he was already in my space and bothering my friend, part of me felt I should have imposed myself more firmly and told him to leave. The problem was that I didn't want things to become physical and I was afraid of it.
A year ago I had a similar situation with another drunk guy, and I felt confident enough to stand my ground until he backed off. This time the guy seemed much more willing to fight and I was also more tired to be imposing.
So, what would you have done? Would you have ignored him from the start? At what point do you think ignoring someone stops being the right response? And for situations like this, what martial art would you recommend—especially something focused on controlling or neutralizing someone rather than just punching them? How to act classy yet imposing in such scenario? What can I do now to feel better about myself?
I often see a common idea in martial arts discussions:
that you need to become “more aggressive” to be effective in self-defense.
But in my experience (teaching and training in silat/kali), it’s almost the opposite.
Aggression and violence are not the same thing:
- aggression can be a useful energy
- but violence is often loss of control
Most traditional systems don’t try to increase aggression,
they try to channel it — so you can act without panic under pressure.
I wrote a short article about this (with a bit more nuance):
https://gelanggangpenditabunian.blogspot.com/2025/05/violence-agressivite-developper-ou.html
Curious to hear your take:
Do you train to become more aggressive, or more controlled?
I recently purchased a 3 OZ container of some powerful pepper spray, and I felt safer than I ever have before. I even bought another one, which was more of a cone fog rather than a stream for certain environments.
While looking at the products and doing more research, I noticed my city only allows people to carry 1.25 oz of pepper spray.
Even before I was serious about carrying pepper spray on a daily basis, I had one that was 1.8-oz and did not have the slightest clue that what I was doing was illegal, since the majority of pepper spray on Amazon is over 1.25-oz, and it seems the most popular ones under 1.25 oz are the Saber 0.75-oz containers.
I feel awful about this since it seemed, other than a firearm, that the pepper spray I thought I could carry is now illegal, and I have to resort to lesser-grade and shorter-lasting products to replace the ones I have.
It seems the topic has rarely been addressed, and I was wondering if anyone has experience carrying a container of pepper spray over the legally justified amount, or if I should get rid of the ones I have?
The rule seems ridiculous since most people attempting to defend themselves may want a larger container. I wonder how the use of a 3-oz container would be viewed in court if it is legally justified.
Context: this video
https://x.com/AltRightEspan/status/2089733087538126899
Some say the man is weak for not returning the kick back , some say he did the right thing. For me , I think he did one simple mistake. Turning his back on the aggressor. I would never turn my back in any verbal altercations. Unless I can make a good space between me and the guy, or we settled it down by apologising and moving on. Turning me back give him an opportunity. Yet , this is weird. The guy kicked you and the other guy didn't do a thing. How is that the right thing? Watching this video boiled my blood , I felt I wanna grab the guy and fucking eat him alive. When should we fight really? I know physical fights have consequences. And we shouldn't fight , but even here??? At least hit him in the balls . Do something. But again , the whole thing should have been avoided from the start by apologising and smiling and moving on. That is the bigger guy
Has anyone tried these? And are they any good?
I'm looking for something that I can pull my S&W m&p 9mm quickly.
If you guys have any recommendations... I'd greatly appreciate it.
I'm 26M and something happened tonight that I can't stop thinking about. I want completely honest opinions, even if you think I handled it badly. I'm not looking for people to tell me "you did nothing wrong" just to make me feel better.
I'm seeing this girl. We're not in a serious relationship and I've only known her for a relatively short time. Tonight we were sitting outside her apartment building talking for a few hours. Her 20-year-old younger sister and 12-year-old younger brother were also outside, around 20 meters away from us.
At some point, three guys came over and started hitting her younger sister.
The girl I was with and I immediately started walking towards her. I was thinking about getting involved, but there were three guys and I was alone. I didn't know who they were, whether they were drunk, whether any of them had a weapon, etc. So I turned around to get my phone and call emergency services.
The girl I was with kept walking towards her sister and got to the entrance of the building. I followed her and called emergency services. The operator kept asking me questions like who was attacking her, why they were attacking her, etc. I honestly didn't know any of that. I just knew I had seen three guys hitting a girl. Eventually the girl got inside the building, so I told the operator that she was safe inside and ended the call.
The guys then started coming toward me and yelling things like "Who the fuck are you?" and "Come here, motherfucker." I went inside the building and shut the door.
A few minutes later, everyone was together in the entrance: the girl, her sister, their brother, grandmother, etc.
The grandmother, for whatever reason, decided to come out with a broom and threaten the guys that she would call the police. One of the guys walked past her, the other two stayed at the open door.
Then the weirdest part started.
The one that walked past everyone went straight to the girl I was with, put his hand on her shoulder and asked if she was okay. She didn't seem particularly scared of him and didn't push him away. As she nodded, the grandma started screaming to the guy that she didn't want anything to do with him anymore or something alongside those lines. He was holding himself and i could see it. I grabbed his arm, told him to calm down as lashing towards the grandma wasn't a good idea. As soon as i finished that, the other two guys pulled me out of the block by the arm. One of them was giving me a handshake, the other one was walking very close behind him.
They started asking what my "F*cking deal was. Who did I think i was, that they heard i acted like a big shot around here". That was the first time I've ever been in that area.
I basically told him:
"Look, I have nothing to do with this. I'm with her sister. I just came here to see her. I'm not involved in whatever is going on."
He initially seemed aggressive, but after talking for a few minutes, he completely changed his attitude. He started telling me I was cool and that I had nothing to do with their problems.
At one point, all three guys were basically being friendly toward me. Two of them even kissed my hand several times, which was probably the weirdest thing I've ever experienced. Imagine Marlon Brando from the Godfather. That's the type of "kiss" I received. They had been drinking, so I assume that had something to do with it.
One of them told me that he had slept with both sisters multiple times and basically warned me not to get involved with them seriously. Not in a threatening way. More like "You're cool, bro, don't get yourself into this mess." The girl I was with later told me that this particular guy was "a mistake from her past," so at least that part of his story seems to check out.
At some point I started walking toward my car to leave. One of them called after me:
"Bro, come back for a little bit. We don't want to run after you, we just want to talk."
And I actually went back.
This is one of the parts I'm questioning the most. I could have just kept walking. I knew I could get to my car before they caught me. But I was curious about what they wanted, so I went back and talked to them.
Everything ended peacefully. Nobody touched me and I left completely unharmed.
But throughout basically the entire situation my heart was racing like crazy. During the actual confrontation I didn't really notice it, but once I was walking away from the situation, my hands started shaking. Even 15-20 minutes later I was still somewhat shaky.
And that's what bothered me the most.
I don't consider myself a violent person. I don't start fights and I have absolutely no interest in proving myself by fighting random people. But I also don't feel physically competent at all, and this situation made that very obvious to me.
I keep thinking: what happens if something like this happens again, but it's someone I actually love? What if it's my future wife or child? Would I be able to act?
I didn't want to fight three guys. I know that's stupid. I just wanted to know whether my reaction was reasonable or whether I psychologically folded the moment I saw three people.
For context, I've actually had a pretty bad experience with something similar in the past.
About six years ago, when I was 20, I had a girlfriend who lived in another city about 50 km away. She had a friend who was about 15 years older than us. He was gay and had a big group of male friends.
One night my girlfriend wanted us to go to his house, have some drinks and sleep there. Every part of me was telling me not to go. I didn't want to be there at all. I kept refusing, but she eventually convinced me because she was my first girlfriend.
We went there. There were around 10 guys there. I wasn't drinking and wasn't causing any problems, but some of them were watching me and I could tell the atmosphere was strange.
Around 1 AM I told my girlfriend we should leave. She didn't want to, so eventually we started walking.
As I was putting my shoes on, one of the guys came into the hallway and started calling me a "big shot" and saying he was going to beat my ass. I pushed him away twice because he was getting in my face, but I didn't punch him. I told him to back off because I wasn't interested in fighting.
We left.
About five minutes later, two guys followed us. One was around 40 kg heavier than me and the other was significantly taller.
They knocked me to the ground and kicked me for probably around a minute. I couldn't really fight back because I was on the ground. I tried to flag down a taxi but it didn't stop.
Eventually I made it back to my girlfriend's house.
Then around 4 AM, her mother woke us up screaming that my car was on fire.
Someone had poured gasoline next to my car and set it on fire. Luckily the car itself wasn't burned, but it was clearly meant as a warning.
That experience taught me to trust my instincts. Ever since then, I've avoided situations where something in my head tells me "don't fucking go there."
Which is why tonight was so strange to me.
The moment I saw three guys attacking the girl, my instinct was basically "get the phone and call for help." I didn't want to jump into a 1v3 against unknown, possibly drunk men.
I still feel conflicted about that.
Part of me thinks I handled it correctly because I avoided escalating a potentially dangerous situation, got emergency services involved and ultimately got everyone out safely.
Another part of me thinks I'm psychologically weak because my first instinct wasn't to physically intervene.
I also felt like the girl I was with might have been disappointed in me. She apologized to me several times afterward, and she asked me to stay in contact while I was leaving for the UK soon. I told her I didn't want her waiting for me because I don't want to promise her a relationship I can't give her.
I'm not interested in getting into a serious relationship with her. I like her and she's attractive, but I don't want to become involved in whatever is going on around her family.
So my questions are:
Did I actually handle tonight reasonably, or did I act like a coward?
Was going back when those three guys called me over a stupid decision?
Is the shaking/adrenaline response normal, or does it say something about my ability to handle danger?
And most importantly, if I genuinely want to become more physically and psychologically capable of protecting myself and people close to me, what would you recommend?
I'm planning to start boxing when I move to the UK. I don't want to become some guy looking for fights. I just want to be competent enough that if violence becomes unavoidable, I don't completely freeze.
I'm genuinely interested in hearing both sides. If you think I handled it well, tell me why. If you think I was a coward, tell me why. Just don't sugarcoat it.
¿El bastón es frágil al golpear? Al ser extensible me da la impresión que al golpear se dobla por ser hueco.
¿Hay marcas de este tipo de bastones? Y si las hay, ¿Cuales son las más cómodas y útiles (menos frágil)?
¿Como reconozco un bastón extensible que es de mala calidad y no me va a servir para defenderme? (que se doble al primer golpe)
Soy una mujer de 23 años que se cansó de que los hombres la acosen y la toquen en la calle, así que empecé a hacer pesas y a practicar kendo. El problema es encontrarme con personas con armas. Vivo en un país donde roban mucho con armas y ahí no puedo hacer nada. Hablando con mis padres salió el tema de que necesito gas pimienta y otros elementos que las reglas de esta comunidad no me deja mencionar, ellos empezaron a decir que yo no necesito esas cosas porque soy mujer y soy muy débil para defenderme, así que no me van a servir para nada. La cosa es que siempre, ellos me enseñaron a jamas defenderme ni física ni verbalmente. Toda mi vida fui a una escuela religiosa donde ahí y mis padres siempre me enseñaron a que tengo que aceptar ser maltratada. Lo peor, es que mido 1.70 pero todos piensan que soy menor de edad porque mi voz es de una niña de 12 años. No vine a pedir consejos ni nada por el estilo, solo necesito desahogarme porque no tengo a nadie con quien hablar además de mi pareja.
I want the strongest one, I really liked Fox Labs 1.4, but the only store that sells it in Brazil is completely sold out, so can you recommend any others guys? I want the most powerful one plz that will cause the most damage, pain and suffering to the victim
For context I carry a firearm whenever I'm not at work, as my job doesn't allow them, but I am shit scared I would ever have to use it. Although lets say I am in conflict at some point, may that be at work or if I'm out with the gun on me. I live in a "duty to retreat" state and have no problem running away if need be as apposed to shooting someone and having to prove my innocence. Also the law in my state says you must match the level of threat in order to "legally" defend yourself. So what do y'all think about less lethal options? Tasers and OC spray/gel stuff like that. On it's surface it doesn't sound like a bad idea to carry lethal and less lethal because lets say I'm in a conflict where I can't get away, if someone is charging at me with a knife or god forbid they have a gun I'm gonna shoot them, but if they are trying to fight me, I don't wanna kill them nor do I think it would hold up in court. Not asking for recommendations, just what y'all think.
Hi!
Recently i'm having a dispute in my head regarding which option is better for a street self defense scenario. I have been attending this special self defense karate dojo for a while and I love it. It is Shotokan based, practices a lot of Kata, as well as applying Kata movements to a self defense situation, joint locks etc. The instructors themselves are former police officers so I assume they know their stuff when it comes to actual self defense. They also drill striking combinations as well as some throwdowns. Training overall is very fun, the community is great and there are lots of people attending. So far so good right? My problem with this dojo however is that there is almost no real sparring and realistic drills for applying those methods. Its all mostly scripted and choreographed. Like do these 3 punches and the other guy deflects and counters in this way. I did some light sparrings 2-3 times when the dojo was preparing for a competition.
Kickboxing on the other hand is straight to the point practical. Body conditioning - drills - sparring. I just miss the traditional aspect, which it lacks. In a real street fight scenario you dont have time to think about complicated joint locks and blocks, your mind reverts to the most basic movements you know, unless you drilled those complicated moves for years and years and your opponent is drunk or highly incompetent in fighting. Overall I have seen kickboxers perform really well against ''street thugs''.
Now don't get me wrong, I know Karate is applicable in real fighting, there are many traditional practitioners that participate in Karate Combat like Rafael Aghayev for example but his gym focuses on preparing for full-contact competitions while retaining the traditional aspect of the martial art but unfortunately I dont think a gym like that exists where I live. My trainers always say ''here we develop the mind, not brute force, boxing and kickboxing is a sport, you dont wear big gloves on the street.'' Ok thats fine but in order to apply the techniques you teach me there should be more realistic practice, right?
Which would you pick if you were in my shoes?
Recently started carrying a small bottle of Sabre pepper spray. It sports a Twist safety and I don't know if I should carry it in my pocket. I sometimes carry a backpack, but it wouldn't do much good in there lol, any ideas?
Hi everyone, I'm French—sorry if my English isn't perfect.
I'm 35, and I've almost never had issues with other people in France.
But things have changed over the last 2 or 3 years. Specifically since 2026, I've been confronted—perhaps 4 or f5 times—when I wasn't at fault, and I had to back down and leave the scene to prevent the situation from escalating.
It happened twice while driving, once with a neighbor, and once with a delivery driver.
The last incident was this past Sunday.
I never want to let myself be intimidated by anyone again.
This time, I decided to buy 3 "Guardian Angel 3" pepper spray units; I plan to keep one on me at all times.
Do you have any stories to share about this kind of device?
Have you ever used one?
Did a potential attacker back off at the sight of the spray canister?
What was your attacker armed with?
Thanks.
So I am moving to prince George bc and if you know where that is then you know it’s a bit um sketchy. I’m moving because my long term bf got an amazing job there. But it’s camp work so he will be home for a week and working away for two. I need some tips for self defence because as of now I live in a tiny town and have never needed it in my house. I’m not ignorant so I want to be prepared. Any tips to secure my rental aswell as for my car and my self aswell?
As a taxi driver I got s client who ordered a ride through a app normally we have 3 ways ( standard calling a taxi remain anonymous only with phonenumber , app with name , uber ) he ordered with app and had name on screen. So he is like those young thug looking but more chill( the type that maybe unsure about himself who ended the wrong way of life or crowd ) I drive him him mix way he says he has 500 and aka if I have change was unusual to pay now but I say ok and try look for change took me a while I told him I have 250 and can give 50 in coins but he said just keep the rest as tips. And rest of the ride was silent minding his business. When I’m there at a industry dark area his guys or group of 5-7 we’re waiting he said I could just stop here a bit of road before his pals spot and from there my eyes badly focus on 2 of his friends walking towards the car and I lost focus on the guy sitting in the car but he goes out says thx for the ride and then crosses the street and the 2 who are coming looks weirdly at him like huh and lifts hand like what. They all have the same clothes in my country it’s the type our thugs and violent people wear. Any idea if I’m overstessing or if it was maybe a robbery but the guy who I drove saw I didn’t have money lying around and changed his mind ? Or just something internal for them ?
I won’t lie I’m not used to that part of crown or dealing with that I am soft minded unfortunately haven’t. Ever been in a fight or gotten beaten so I’m slow to react or read the room and have no experience of knowledge to read these scenarios any advice for this without having to actually be in that life lol
Hi guys. So my brother wants to Revenge on this. Both guys are 25 yo, both ❄️ addicts. One knows boxing and wrestling and the other one knows kick box. They are known in town for picking fights. A few days ago they asked me if I have 10$ and I said no and the one who knows boxing punched me really hard in my jaw. Police won't do a thing. My Brother says he wants to start training something and give it a year or two. Then Revenge. How can he deal with a person who is constantly on stimulants? Also, how can I defend myself as a girl in this scenario? I wasn't expecting it at all and I don't know why he punched me. The issue is they aren't big but they sure know how to punch. I feel sad and my brother is pissed off. He wants to fight them and I know he will lose he never trained anything.
I was 15 at the time of the incident, had like a season of wrestling experience and weighed 140 pounds. Me and my two buddies were at a hotel during a basketball tournament, and we were walking the hotel. Eventually we wandered too far off into the parking lot of some apartments/condos that neighbored the hotel. As we were walking, a man flies outside his door screaming profanities at us, telling us to get off his property in a manner that was incredibly threatening. I was in the back of the group and didn’t really have anywhere to go, whereas my two buddies took off into the parking lot. I was left alone with this intoxicated, angry man much bigger than myself, so I knew fighting wasn’t an option. I made the mistake of bringing myself closer to him with my hands up in an attempt to calm him, but in retrospect that seems like a great way to get shot/attacked. Now me and the man are about 10-15 feet apart (I was on the sidewalk and he was halfway in his yard.) I’m talking to him clearly without sounding threatening, explaining that we were just from the hotel next door and had wandered off too far. Prior to us entering the area, some kids had run onto his property and harassed him/scared him, so his reaction was reasonable considering that he thought we were the same kids. He was still hot, but after I assured him we weren’t those kids and had just found ourselves over here, his demeanor changed and he apologized and told me to make sure nobody else came through that area later that night. I was pretty shook up after but I thought I handled the situation as well as I could and was glad I got out unscathed. I still wonder if just running and not trying to calm him would have been the right method, but at the end of the day nobody was hurt. let me know what you think and give me feedback for future situations if possible.
Before anyone jumps in with "you shouldn't use a knife for self defense, you'd just be arming your opponent", I already know that but I'm from a country that doesn't allow sprays or guns and if in a dire situation I assume I'd be better to at least try and have one than not, considering you'd be getting beaten to death anyway.
No I cannot outrun or right hook a man or a group of teenage boys. So, anything that can be easily carried around and would be effective against clothed individuals? Would a hunter's skinning knife do since I already have practice with it on animals?
Long story short, I'm an average sized woman, and an aggressive, large man came into my work yesterday. He was showing all the hallmarks of agitation the entire time I had the distinct displeasure of interacting with him, and even tossed a threat in at the end as he walked out the door. I managed to diffuse the situation and nothing but feelings got hurt. Great, mission accomplished.
All that being said, I can't help but worry he's going to come back and follow through on those threats. I know it was all probably empty bluster and bravado because of his quite honestly shitty situation (a reservation had been moved to a different location, and I was the first to inform him of this), and once his issue was resolved, he probably chilled out and forgot about me. However, a part of me is worried he hasn't chilled out, and that he'll return to try to kill me.
I guess what I'm asking is what do I do if he does come back? And what are the odds that he might?
Edit: fixed typo
Maybe it sounds like a silly question with an obvious answer up front, but is there any correlation between how built someome is and how much of a beating they can take from any angle of looking at the idea? We all know movies for one like to ham up the concept of the seemingly indestructible brutish huge guy, and it seems the snap judgement is that a big person must be tough, but just how much truth is there to this idea, if any at all?
Is there any device which is fit into my shoes or leg and when i touch someone with my hands or just body parts and the other person who touched m me gets electric shock enough to not touch me again - also a switch is a must while being safe for me like those shock prank devices- if would be even more better if i would have a button for extra shock incase of murder or help in fight with gangsters etc btw i have seen them in reels , there is a earth wire connected to bottom of shoe
Also, is there any reason why I shouldn’t do this? The reason I’ve noticed that this is hard sometimes is because I get worn out and my hits get slower when that happens. How do I continue to make them as fast as they were before?
So I'm going to list off a bunch of weapons and I'm just kind of wondering. Has anyone ever used these in any fights and how effective were they?
Kubaton
Brass knuckles
Tactical pen
Any similar Force multipliers that would fall under the umbrella of some type of punching device, whether that be a lighter in your fist or a roll of nickels. Or any other self-defense keychain doohickey that supposedly multiplies your force when you're punching or hitting. Such as but not limited to the Munio self-defense keychain, baby tonfa key ring, crkt Williams defense key, And any others.
Sap or a blackjack
Nunchucks
Contact stun gun
Big flashlight such as a 2D cell to a 6D cell maglite flashlight
Smaller flashlight with a strobe setting
Rattan escrima stick
Expandable baton
Walking stick or cane
Unbreakable umbrella
That's all the ones I can think of right now. I would love to hear any and all stories.
I think I start trial prep tomorrow with my attorney, my trial is in about a week for some really serious charges. what should I expect coming soon? I’ve never been in trouble and this is my first trial for self defense. What questions should I ask my attorney at the meeting?
If so can we hear the story? How effective was the monkey fist?
Few months ago I had a run in with someone who works next to my office, I was sitting down and dude was standing up and he started threatening me saying he was gonna beat the crap out of me, at first I didn’t bother but then I saw him putting his hand briefly in his pocket so I did my best to deescalate the situation because I didn’t know what he could have in his pocket. Well after that it turned out he wasn’t the thug he claimed to be and probably just took advantage of the fact I was sitting down and he’s at the least 20 years older (I was 26 at the time). Thing is I forgot the situation in a few days but now recently I’ve started to think about it again (he still works next to me and when I see him I wish he got in my face again to have an excuse to fight him) and can’t help but think I shoukd have just stood up and fought regardless if he had something in his pocket or not, so my question pretty much is how should I have handled it differently, if it was even possible
I plan on carrying pepper spray no matter what but I also would like something else to to compliment it.
My focus is protecting my 2 toddler brothers when I take them outside if needed, running is not a good option because they arent fast enough so my best bet is atleast putting up a good enough fight if not winning it for their sake.
My first thought is a extendable baton since its impact can easily incapitate legs/arms/hands. But i also am skeptical because extending it will cost time in the interaction but id like to hear your suggestions and comments
My SABRE Pepper Gel expired, so I'm looking for a replacement to keep in my car.
I want the most effective option possible—something that can stop an attacker as quickly as possible. From what I've read, a spray/stream seems like a better choice than gel, but I'm open to hearing otherwise.
Is POM actually better than SABRE Red, or is it mostly marketing? If POM is the better pick, which version would you recommend?
I studied Silat for a number of months only and while it was fun I was skeptical of effectiveness of a lot of the drills. I am curious on what others think of this art?
In BJJ even a child can quickly perform a takedown on me if I stand still and let it happen. Then thats only the beginning.
In Silat if a student was shorter or weighed less than me they would really struggle to pull a move off even if I stood still and let them step, push, pull and do whatever to manipulate my balance while I held in place.... then the drill would end after the move was performed.
Has anyone read Timeline of Self Defense by
King? I just got it and it is really diffrent… Not sure my opinion yet! It is a fun read. But very different from other books I have looked at. Just curious if anyone else has read it?
Faced a guy walking towards me and started shouting at around 50m distance. He moved his arm. I quickly scanned him and didn’t think he was a danger, more deranged, so I walked past him calmly.
In case he would have been a danger and I sense I must dash. How do I dash. Walking backwards? Walking on right lane, he’s moving towards me from the left. To my right brick wall. To my left open street.
What is the best option here to remove myself from his attack range?
I appreciate your help.
I’m a male. The class I joined teaches a variety of martial arts styles, such as Karate, Taekwondo, Krav Maga, BJJ, Judo and some Boxing.
What should I expect ? I’m an introvert so I’m a little nervous about meeting a bunch of new people. I don’t imagine we will have to talk much lol. The classes are one hour long.
if you had to bite someone what is the risk of you getting a infection
I understand that things such as sparring are important but what is the simplest martial art to learn at home at least to some extent via shadow boxing, muscular training (push-ups, squats, etc).
Statistically, what do you think my chances are in an average one-on-one physical fight against a random man?
For context, I’m 5’7” and around 180 pounds, sometimes up to 185. My best mile is about 5:45. I’ve boxed for about 7 years, have a purple belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and I’ve been active in sports and fitness most of my life.
How would you rate my overall “character build” or archetype in terms of fighting ability? Against the average adult man, what percentage of fights would you realistically expect me to win? And how would those odds change against different sizes and builds?
I couldn't add more characters in the title, so that is how I decided to write it – I am aware it is possible.
So hypothetically, if I get in a situation where I have to defend, myself or somebody else, and if the circumstances are so in which I decide to hit the person in the head (as people do in fights, which I hope I never run into, but hope is not enough), thinking about it, it worries me, what if the hit I do is fatal? That would definitely not be an intended outcome, but every other consideration seems illogical for one's own survival in a moment that it's endangered. Should I, in a life threatening situation, think on how hard should I hit an attacker, gauging the risk of it being fatal in such intense situation (with even then the risk existing)?
Also, this is my first time on this subreddit, while I can surely imagine other mitigations that are better, you can't expect an average person to possess such agility, coordination, knowledge and practice to be able to neutralize threat with no risk of causing more than harm as a by-product than an experienced professional. Most people would have to rely on their physical defense insticts, rather than face possibly fatal consequences themselves – it could even be the only theoretical defense as well (if fight is already initiated and you are hurt already, and you don't happen to have a black belt to professionally incapacitate a person, which raises a question - should you always resort to hitting less vital areas?)
I tried my best to not make this sound concerning, but be assured that this is just that one impulsive adrenaline inducing random thought that keeps me awake at night, a what-if scenario, and I can't get over what if my action of defense could cause them to die.
When people get in your face and demand to know why you have a small pocket knife clip to your pants.
Or my personal favorite, why do you need that gun? What do you think is going to happen?
So i went to see the Odyssey yesterday and got into an argument with someone over the seat. My ticket did not specify the row but it was seat 11 and i can tell you for a fact it was one row behind the VIP section. I ended up raising my voice and he left me alone in the seat. Afterwards this dude comes uncomfortably close to me and tells me that we should take things outside. I just keep doing what i was doing and told him "what do you want''. I told him i would call the cops because i didn't like the look on his face. This dude was super shifty and kept reaching into his hand bag. I told him that if he had a gun then it really wasn't worth my life and that i apologize. I was worried about a gun or a knife and my adrenaline surged. My hands were literally shaking slightly. I showed him my ticket and he basically argued with me saying ''it wasn't fair what i did to him''. At one point he jerked his arm subtly but did not do anything. I followed behind him outside and thought about striking him to the base of the skull or using an RNC to deter him but he ended up waving goodbye and leaving. He also asked me whether i liked the movie. I have no idea what the fuck was going through this guy's head. His body language was very mixed. He even showed me his bag to reassure me. I think my confidence and unwillingness to move at his commands probably made him feel that a fight would be more complicated than just a sucker punch. Anyway, i'm glad it didn't escalate to something that could result in either of us getting hurt or legal involvement.
I suppose my question is what would you have done and what if the dude ended up sucker punching me? What would be the appropriate response.
I’m considering getting my girlfriend one of the Byrna Non-lethal products for her birthday. Reason being is that we move a lot and that can get complicated with traditional methods. I also don’t think she’d be able to use a real one if she needed to.
Does anyone have any experience with these products? Is it a viable self-defense tool?
Hey everyone.
As someone with a background in military reconnaissance and sniper instruction, I’ve spent years analyzing threat models. When I'm away, my biggest worry is the safety of my wife (who works late hours) and my teenage daughter.
I looked at standard civilian solutions like Apple "Find My" or Garmin LiveTrack, and from a self-defense perspective, they have a massive, fatal flaw: they are entirely passive. If an attacker suddenly knocks the phone out of your hand, breaks it, or turns it off, the map simply freezes at the last known location. Nobody at home realizes anything is wrong until hours later when you fail to show up. In a real emergency, you don't have time to open an app, swipe a screen, and press an "SOS" button.
I wanted a system that flips the logic: instead of shouting "I'm in danger," it silently checks in to say "I'm okay." If it goes silent, the system acts automatically. Since we all wear smartwatches, I built a custom tool for Garmin watches that functions as a silent, automated check-in.
Here is the tactical logic I implemented:
The Server-Side Timer: When activated, a countdown runs on an independent server, not just the device.
Silent Check-ins: Every 30 seconds, the watch sends a silent background ping. If you don't manually reset the main timer before it hits zero, the watch gives you a quiet vibration warning ("Hey, you okay?").
Automated Alert: If you don't respond to the vibration within 30 seconds, the server automatically fires an emergency SOS to a private Telegram group with the exact last coordinates, map link, and heart rate data.
The "Silent Phone" Trigger: If the phone gets destroyed, turned off, or loses cellular connection for more than 90 seconds, the server recognizes the drop in communication and automatically triggers the alarm anyway.
Biometric Triggers: It automatically triggers if the heart rate drops dangerously low or spikes above 140 BPM while the user is completely stationary (panic/struggle response).
We’ve been family-testing this for 4 months, and the logic holds up. It gives peace of mind without requiring them to constantly stare at their phones or draw attention to themselves in a dark alley.
I’m sharing this because I want to get the community's perspective on this approach.
From a self-defense standpoint, what flaws do you see in a "Dead Man's Switch" approach for civilians? If you were designing an automated system like this, what other triggers or fail-safes would you include (e.g., automated ambient audio recording)? Let's discuss.
When I signed up, the class teacher and I texted back and forth, and he said I was welcome to come to the first few classes for free. He said that it was self defense and a mix of martial arts. I told him I’d love to join, but that I am shy (I’m extremely afraid of a man attacking me and hurting me. My dad used to always scream at me, and at times my dad said I made him want to hit me, and that I had made him regret ever becoming a father. I’ve been harassed and touched and grabbed at every job I’ve ever had. I’m just scared and I wanted a class where I could learn some moves and believe I’m not helpless)
I told the trainer that I may need to just watch at some parts, and I asked if that would be okay. (I can’t have a stranger full on attacking me yet. It scares me and I don’t know this teacher.)
He said yes through text, and that it wouldn’t be a problem at all.
My boyfriend was very proud that I built up the courage to attend self defense because he knows I’m afraid of men harming me because of all the ways I get harassed regularly.
When I got there, one side of the dojo had some people who were laughing and wrestling. One of them was on top of the other, and I thought “okay. That looks scary, but he won’t make me do that on my first try.”
While he and I talked, I nervously gestured to girl who was being straddled and pinned down to the ground pretty aggressively. “Okay I don’t think I can do that haha” I said. He looked at me kind of annoyed, and said that a man may put me in that position one day and it will be too late for me to defend myself if I don’t learn.
My boyfriend has worked with me about my fears of being raped or harmed by men, and has told me that I will not ever get assaulted, and he has worked hard to earn my trust. Hearing this random new man tell me that men will very likely try to straddle me and pin me down was really jarring and it made me rethink everything my boyfriend told me.
I really thought I would go in there and come out with some confidence, but the teacher started talking about how someone might start choking me against the wall one day and “what are you going to do?”.
It scared me so bad that this man I’ve never met was describing all the ways I was vulnerable.
I said “I was thinking I could work up to that, but not on my first class. Maybe I could watch that part. I just can’t have someone like, choking me”.
He talked at one point about how I might get strangled against a wall (gesturing to one of the walls in his class) and “what are you going to do?” I just got quiet and said “I don’t know” and just kind of looked down. He said “you don’t know” or something like that? And he said I had to learn somehow before it was too late.
I kept saying that maybe I could work up to that, but that I was a beginner and I may need to work up to these things. He kept replying that I had no plan for if someone strangled me or something like that.
Eventually I made an excuse that I needed to just have a private lesson sometime. He said he would call me tomorrow, and I left quickly. I don’t want to talk to him ever again.
I got in my car and didn’t expect to start crying.
My eyes got all watery and I realized how much I had dreamed of coming to that dojo. I had imagined where my parking space would be every week, how I would make lots of friends there, over future years of attending and training, how I would learn to be strong and not helpless and scared all the time. I had dreamed that I could build up my confidence there, and keep trying and training, and pick up self defense or kick boxing as a hobby. I didn’t realize that I had so many hopes of this place teaching me how to push away men at work who want to touch me (one of them did today at work, and then laughed at my startled expression).
I’m scared, and I thought I had found some light in the dark but I’m just still scared and I feel extremely defeated and vulnerable again.
I don’t even want to tell my boyfriend I failed because he was so excited to see how excited I was to find a place where I could build my confidence up, over the next few years.
Quick note: Hey everyone, just a quick heads-up: I used an AI assistant to help me write and translate this post because my English isn't very good (or at least, I don't feel super confident with it yet). I wanted to make sure my ideas and questions came across clearly without any misunderstandings. Thanks for your patience and understanding! Greeting from Brazil!!!
Hi everyone!
I am currently planning to start my self-defense journey. However, I have a very clear philosophy: for me, violence is strictly the absolute last resort. My primary goal is to learn how to defend myself and others (family, friends, or vulnerable people) while prioritizing control and the safety of everyone involved, without resorting to active physical aggression unless it is 100% necessary.
As I am building my training schedule and theoretical study plan, I would love to get your advice on a few specific questions. Any guidance or tips you can share to help point me in the right direction would be highly appreciated!
Since I plan on hiring instructors for the physical, active side of training (like Boxing and Jiu-Jitsu), I want to dedicate my solo study time to the mental and strategic aspects.
In bodybuilding, you have very clear, objective standards to measure your evolution (e.g., muscle mass, definition, body fat percentage, or how much weight you can lift on the bench press).
I am mapping out a medium-to-long-term plan for my physical and technical development.
I want to take this very seriously and invest maximum effort into it.
Thank you in advance to everyone who takes the time to share their experience and help me kick off this journey on the right foot!
So I am 16M 47KG(last time I checked in Feb) and somewhere between 5'7-5'8 in height.
So I am having some people in my school who are always looking up to fight and while some go to gym and do strength training most of them are just heavier than me like 70-80KGs some ever more although they are smaller than me in height like maybe a inch or two.
Main point here is that I might get in a fight with some of them not because I want to buy they like to sort out things with fight and always have that egoistic personality so I want some advice how can I fight back if it takes place as i can't always expect a teacher to be there in situations where a fight can't be avoided sometimes
I'm a highschool student. I've never been in any serious altercations, and I'm mild mannered and don't cause issues with anyone. One day I was sitting at a lucnh table with my friend, and someone came up behind me and put his arm around my neck and lifted me up (headlock). I was trying to pull his arm off me but it didn't work. After a few seconds he released me and I just froze and looked up at him. What should I have done? How can I make sure things like this don't happen at school?
I came across multiple times people saying that it gives a stronger punch and reduced the risk of self injury. Is that true? And if its true is there any tool thats even better or specific designed for this purpose?
Hey, so I started Uber eats on my bike and I'm concerned about it taking me into a rough area. I thought about doing a belt holster of mace, but I'm concerned about the safety coming undone and id accidentally spray myself while riding. Or maybe should I carry a taser?
And by older I mean 50+, in decent shape, work out often, but have arm knees and shoulder joints and a back that act their age (ache) often 😝
Where does someone like that start (other than the usual weights and cardio which is already happening).
Would love to know more advanced techniques on self protection against someone who knows how to fight, take down techniques, effective holds, escapes, proper hitting and punching and blocking, anything and everything (and low impact at least for practicing 😝 )
Alright so that is the first advice every reputable person would give you. But how tho?
Those who have it take it for granted, like it is actually hard to turn it off. It comes with practice. I'll do my best to bridge the gap.
Use all your senses. I can't give away all the game because as they say the game is to be sold, not told.
Just be aware. Don't have your nose in a phone, tunnel vision.
Be loose. it makes you more receptive.
That one is free.
Read books like Rory Miller. Peace.
Only object I got in my house that I think could do some serious damage is that dumbbell, everything else would break/is too heavy
So I am extremely curious as to what it feels like. My brother has done it to himself multiple times and says it’s not that bad. I’m trying to get someone to describe what the pain feels like but if I google it or use AI to try and figure it out, it always thinks I’m depressed. I have such an urge to do it to myself but I am scared haha 😂
Hi
I live in a tiny island country where guns are illegal and they have extremely stupid laws when it comes to self defense.
Hell, even pepper spray is illegal here.
My country and neighborhood used to be very safe until now.
There has been a spate of reports of drugged up violent youths harassing women, threatening to r@pe them and most recently a bone chilling violent break in by two guys armed with rods threatening to kill a guy and these fellas were coked up.
For context - I'm a tiny 5'6 guy, there is only so much muscle I can put on when I'm facing guys twice my size who are high on god knows what?
First variable lethality - because of the strict self defense laws I don't want to accidently kill or permanently disable someone. If I do so even if I can prove my life was in danger I could be the one who ends up in prison.
Second variable - practicality given I'm such a short person.
After work, it was around 9:40 PM, and I like to walk in the parking lot to get my step count up for about 30 minutes. In the same parking lot, there is, I guess, a pickleball field. It’s a new thing, and it attracts a lot of people, almost 100 at times, many of them teenagers.
In this area, there are a lot of wealthy teenagers who have a lot of money, and their parents buy them fast, nice cars. The parking lot is huge, almost too big for the needs of where I work and for the pickleball field.
I had my earphones in and was walking. I know that the teenagers drive really fast in the parking lot because it’s so big. They speed, going like 75 miles an hour. So I try to be careful. I walk near the islands and stuff, which may not protect me, but I’m trying to stay aware. Maybe I shouldn’t be walking there. I’ve always walked there. It used to be a lot quieter and safer before the pickleball fields. I’ve been walking there for about six years, and there have been no problems, but recently it’s been becoming more unsafe.
Out of nowhere, while I’m walking, someone yells, “Get the fuck out of the way! You need to watch where you’re going, you white piece of shit! Cars have preferential treatment in parking lots. Pedestrians don’t have the right of way. If you keep walking around here, I’m gonna run you over, and it’s gonna be your fault.”
He then drove off and parked at the pickleball field a couple hundred feet away. He had driven around before parking and met up with someone. I was only about 20 feet away from my car, so I got in as fast as I could. I was very scared. I didn’t say anything when he was yelling at me. It was some teenager. I just looked at him because I was shocked.
When I got in my car, I had an adrenaline dump and had a hard time concentrating. I wanted to call the cops, but I didn’t because I didn’t think anything could be done. I thought about confronting them, but I didn’t because I know that wouldn’t have solved anything. There’s not much you can do when somebody is in a vehicle. What if they actually do run you over?
That’s the thing. They’re in that car, and they think they’re invincible. I don’t know. I guess I just have to live with the fact that he got the best of that interaction. If he was on foot, it would be different, but because he was in a car, he felt invincible. Stupid, spoiled rich kids. Perhaps I shouldn't be walking in the parking lot anymore. But a part of me just feels like if I leave, then I truly have lost. Part of me wonders my pride was hurt because somebody was bossing me around or frightening me and there's nothing I can do about it I think sometimes you just have to take thanks this is nothing you can do I wish there was something I could have done. I was thinking maybe I should've just told him to F off what if you would've got out of the car and attacked me what if you said oh you just told me to F off I'm gonna show you how tough I am and he gets out of the car and like I don't know shoots me or something there's a million reasons never to stand up for yourself a million fears
This question is for the ladies. A man quite bigger than you as you cornered he's invading your personal space and not respecting your wishes when you tell him back off to the point where he's putting his hands on you. You feel threatened and disrespected. In this situation what is your first instinct to do to neutralize the threat and get away
I want to learn how to fight for self-defense, but don't really have a trainer available for a variety of reasons. My idea was to watch videos/courses on how to throw a punch, dodge, block, etc., and then practice sparring with my brothers. To avoid injuries, we wouldn't be hitting each other at full force. Obviously, it'll be messier than learning with a pro trainer, but probably still good enough for overall self defense. I was thinking about getting a pair gloves, hand wraps, mouthguard, and a mat. Is this a great idea? What would you guys advise?
Hi there! Does anyone have recommendations for personal alarm devices that have an on/off switch in addition to its sound trigger?
That way, I can switch it on as I'm walking home at night and before that, I can leave it in/hanging on my bag without worrying about it triggering accidentally. Preferably one that ships internationally to Singapore.
Due to the laws here though, it cannot have any kind of tasing/stun/shock/knife/pepper spray feature because that counts as a weapon and that's illegal here.
I live in the worst part of Philadelphia unfortunately. Not to long ago I was robbed and then jumped by 8/9 men. They got me from behind so I'm not sure what I could have done to protect myself.
I'm looking for any suggestions for anything that I can use for protection. Keep in mind I'm in a city area, the attackers will most likely be running around, moving fast and multiple of them. I would need something to have enough effect to keep them in one spot for a moment so I can swiftly seek safety. Because if not then they will without a doubt sh00t me.
So depending on the situation I would have to go really assess what is happening and if me using protection is a pro or con.
ANY advice at all would be helpful.
Hey, I’m not sure if this violates the weapon rules or not, but I don’t have any idea what other subreddit I’d post this in.
I work at an ER as a scribe and was recently notified we will either have to start paying to park in the garage near the hospital or park for free at a parking lot a sizable distance away. Seeing as we already don’t get paid very much already, I, and many of my fellow coworkers, will likely elect to park in the lot.
This, of course, makes me concerned about the safety of my fellow employees, especially if we’re working the night shift and having to walk alone in the relative darkness.
So, I was thinking of buying mini pepper spray to distribute to people who want it, preferably in bulk, and I wanted to know if anyone’s done the same and has any recommendations for what to buy. I’d most likely just be paying for this out-of-pocket, but the price wouldn’t be too much of a concern for me.
My daughters have started riding public transportation and have faced harassment on several occasions.
Mostly men becoming aggressive after declining their advances.
They currently have tazer and pepper spray we purchased from a sports store.
HOWEVER, we were informed these items are banned from public transportation and their schools.
Their father said to ignore the rules but I disagree.
What other options are available?
We are in Texas and they are teenagers.
I want something just to have in the house for some security and I can't do a gun. Like physically. I have artheritis in hands and also guns are heavy and so uncomfortable in my hands, but a Byrna was comfortable when I tested one out. didn't hurt as much. It seems like a decent option to like help you immobilize someone long enough to maybe get help. Or any other suggrstion for non-gun at home thing?
How do you make a 5'10-11, 200-300lbs man surrender to you? As In, how can you self defend against a man who is known for violence and abuse? He is a very giant man and his strength has never been questioned by anyone who know him yet there has been some circumstances where he'd threaten me with violence and power these days. So just in case something happens to me one day, I want to know where do I hit for him to feel enough pain to be unable to do anything to me for a good while. I'm not the kind of person to hurt someone at all but this is important because my life is on the life. Please give me some advices. Thank you.
I just came back from hanging out with a colleague of mine. It was my wife, her, and I. When we had our last cup of coffee and left the place, we were standing near my colleague's car, having our last two-minute conversation. Suddenly, I realized a guy was standing about 10 feet away from us, specifically behind us, wearing a puffer jacket (35-40°C weather btw), one hand in his pocket, and nervously looking around, constantly checking his watch on his wrist. After realizing this, I told my wife and my colleague to get in the car. She took us somewhere farther away, where she and my wife said that they both realized the weird guy. I know that we were safe then, nothing dangerous happened, or whatever could have happened was prevented thanks to our awareness, but I just can't get over it. I'm now at home, sitting in front of my laptop, imagining what could have happened. I'm imagining every single scenario, and I feel extremely stressed. What if something had happened and I couldn't protect my loved ones? I practiced martial arts before, Muay Thai for about 4 years, and I still kinda do, but I feel extremely stressed after similar situations. Even if nothing happened, I can't get over it and think about the situation for at least two days. Is this normal? Does this happen to all of us, or do I need some professional help?
They gave me the one dorm that gives me a genuine fear for my safety. I have to share a communal shower where any male in the building has access to me in the shower, which I’m terrified of what they could do to me. What would be the best way to defend myself in college communal shower?
I live alone in an apartment and I’ve been thinking more seriously about personal safety lately.
I’ve taken a basic self defense class, and I try to stay aware of my surroundings, but I’m trying to figure out what a realistic everyday self defense approach actually looks like beyond just that.
I get that martial arts takes time and I’m not expecting overnight results, so I’m more interested in practical things people actually use day to day.
For those who’ve thought this through, what does your setup or routine look like?
Is it mainly awareness, home security, pepper spray, habits, or a mix of things?
Just trying to build something realistic without overthinking or becoming paranoid.
I’m 32F, living alone in a city, and I’ve started thinking more seriously about personal safety after a couple incidents in my neighborhood.
The problem is I keep getting completely different advice depending on who I ask.
Some people say start with awareness + pepper spray. Others recommend martial arts like BJJ or Krav Maga. Some say firearms. And some say you eventually need a mix of everything.
I don’t really have the time or budget to do all of it at once, so I’m trying to figure out if there’s any kind of order or framework people use when starting from zero.
What did you prioritize first, and why? Did you build layers over time, or focus on one thing until you felt solid?
Also curious what you wish you had done differently in hindsight.
By Rob Andress
Violence Prevention Specialist
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
Fear and Respect Are Two Very Different Things
One of the biggest myths I hear is that fear creates respect.
It doesn’t.
Fear creates survival.
People often confuse the two because, on the surface, they can look the same. Someone becomes quiet. They stop arguing. They comply. They agree. They keep their head down.
Many people look at that behaviour and think, “See? They respect me.”
I don’t.
I see someone whose brain has shifted into survival mode.
After more than 30 years studying violence, teaching thousands of Canadians, and working with healthcare professionals, teachers, municipalities, REALTORS®, security teams, and young people, I’ve learned one thing that never changes:
Human behaviour makes far more sense when you understand what the brain is trying to accomplish.
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, we spend far less time asking, “What’s wrong with this person?” and much more time asking, “What is this person’s brain trying to achieve right now?”
That question changes everything.
The Brain Doesn’t Care About Your Ego
Your brain has one primary job.
Keep you alive.
It doesn’t care whether you’re in a boardroom, a classroom, a hospital, or at home arguing with your partner.
If your brain believes you’re under threat, it starts changing how you think, how you communicate, and how you behave.
That’s biology.
Not weakness.
Not attitude.
Not disrespect.
Fight, Flight, Freeze… and Fawn
Most people have heard of fight or flight.
Far fewer understand freeze or fawn.
Yet I see these responses every week.
Someone becomes aggressive.
Someone walks away.
Someone shuts down.
Someone smiles, apologizes, agrees with everything being said, and tries desperately not to upset the other person.
People often mistake that last one for respect.
It isn’t.
It’s called fawning, and it’s one of the brain’s survival strategies when someone feels they can’t fight or escape.
Understanding that can completely change how we interpret human behaviour.
This Happens Every Day
Think about the employee who’s afraid to question the boss.
The teenager who agrees because they don’t want to be rejected.
The healthcare worker who stays silent.
The victim of domestic violence who appears loyal to the very person hurting them.
The student who laughs at the bully’s joke.
People often ask,
“Why didn’t they just say something?”
Because sometimes the safest thing the brain believes it can do… is survive the moment.
That isn’t weakness.
That’s human biology doing exactly what it evolved to do.
Fear Produces Compliance. It Doesn’t Produce Trust.
If people only listen because they’re afraid…
they’re not following you.
They’re managing you.
They’re constantly assessing risk.
They stop sharing ideas.
They stop reporting problems.
They stop telling you the truth.
They simply become better at surviving around you.
That’s not leadership.
That’s intimidation.
And intimidation has never been a sustainable way to build healthy relationships, healthy workplaces, or safer communities.
This Is Why We Teach Behaviour First
Everything we teach at Street Safe Self Defence Training Company starts with one principle.
Understand behaviour before you attempt control.
Whether it’s our CARE (Clinical Awareness & Response to Escalation) program for healthcare, TRAACS (Tactical Risk Awareness & Applied Combatives System) for municipalities and security professionals, or our work with schools and REALTORS®, the principle never changes.
Violence doesn’t come out of nowhere.
Behaviour tells the story first.
If we learn to recognize that story early enough, we often prevent the violence from ever happening.
That’s what real violence prevention looks like.
Not bigger muscles.
Not better punches.
Better understanding.
Respect Has to Be Earned
Respect grows through consistency.
Integrity.
Fairness.
Competence.
Keeping your word.
Treating people with dignity.
Fear takes a different path.
Fear grows through uncertainty.
Control.
Threats.
Humiliation.
Power.
They may produce similar behaviour in the short term.
But they’re completely different experiences for the person living through them.
One builds relationships.
The other builds survival strategies.
Final Thoughts
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the years is this:
Behaviour always makes sense once you understand what the brain believes it’s protecting.
The next time someone becomes quiet, agrees with everything, avoids conflict, or suddenly changes their behaviour, don’t automatically assume you’ve earned their respect.
Ask yourself a better question.
Have I earned their trust… or have I simply triggered their survival response?
Those are two very different things.
Understanding that difference is one of the foundations of violence prevention.
And it’s one of the reasons we continue teaching people across Canada that violence isn’t just about what happens during an assault.
It’s about understanding human behaviour long before violence ever begins.
Because at Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, our mission has never been to teach people how to win fights.
Our mission is much simpler.
Stop the Before, so the After Never Happens.
About the Author
Rob Andress is a Violence Prevention Specialist and co-founder of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, one of Canada’s leaders in reality-based violence prevention education. Along with Beth Andress, he provides evidence-informed training to healthcare professionals, municipalities, educators, security teams, corporations, and real estate professionals across Canada. His work focuses on behavioural awareness, situational awareness, conflict management, and violence prevention through understanding human behaviour.
Learn More
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
https://www.streetsafeselfdefence.com/
CARE – Clinical Awareness & Response to Escalation
https://www.streetsafeselfdefence.com/care/
TRAACS – Tactical Risk Awareness & Applied Combatives System
https://streetsafeselfdefence.com/traacs-training/
Street Safe for Agents
https://www.streetsafeforagents.com/
References
American Psychological Association – Trauma and Stress: https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma
Cleveland Clinic – Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Responses: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn
Polyvagal Institute: https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/
Sapolsky, R. M. Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers.
Porges, S. W. The Polyvagal Theory.
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I’m assuming it’s a joke, but if you’ve just posted about how happy you are that you’re now licensed by the police to carry a gun and use deadly force, then perhaps they should take another look at your psychological eval.
I've heard people say "do not go to the second location" but does anyone actually know what happens in "the second location" other than "nothing good" or "something you'll probably never survive". Everyone always discusses it in vague errie terms, but like, what happens at a second location?
I don't feel comfortable giving advice any further. It seems as many inquiries are not about defense, but actually offense. Clean your mind.
In my country, in order to qualify as a "cold weapon", the blade length of a knife must be more than 90 mm. I'm pretty sure that a 90 mm blade won't be effective in a self-defense scenario, against a fairly muscular/fat dude. What kind of blade length is guaranteed to incapacitate? If you're jumped at by an attacker and the only thing accessible is your knife, you wouldn't want to lightly graze the fat and muscle tissue, would you? If your opponent is under influence of substances or just a violent kind of schizo, that kind of damage won't stop him for a pretty long while, and that's not the kind of risk you want to take when it comes to self-defense. Sorry if my post violates the rules.
I was targeted by a violent(and possibly homeless) man the day before yesterday. I was walking my dog as I normally do, 6am in the morning, bright out, and this tall skinny crackhead-looking guy was standing in the middle of the grass area I have to pass to get to the big church parking lot I do laps in everyday. I've never seen him before.
As I rounded the bushes at the corner of the grass area, I spotted him immediately since he was wearing a bright gray hoodie w/ hood up, light blue sweatpants, and he was already mean-mugging me hard. What startled me the most was how fast my gut began screaming at me that this was serious. My dog noticed him as well and he rushed me almost immediately as my dog began to bark and snap at him(he was ~10yds from us, on the other side of a low 2ft bush that was inbetween us). He was speaking through his teeth with a hoodrat/gangster accent that he was gonna kill me and my dog so I stuck out my arm, pointing directly at his face, and told him not to come near me as my dog and I kept walking ahead while also holding my dog back from biting him.
He completely ignored my dog lunging and barking at him while advancing towards me, hands tucked, and kept low mumbling the disgusting things he was gonna do to me while following me a short distance through the huge empty parking lot which made me nervous. If he wasn't afraid of my dog ready to attack him, he was 100% ready to fulfill his earlier death-threats to kill us. But I guess since I didn't give him the reaction he wanted quickly enough, he stopped and went back when I acted like I ignored him and shrugged him off as unimportant, as I usually do to POS like him. Unfortunately it didn't end there.
He continued stalking me as we walked down the street and was now waiting for me to pass him on the way home. I turned around to check and he was pacing around back and forth like a rabid animal and still talking to himself right in the pathway we just had came from, repeatedly staring me down and posturing to square up at me(he even ripped the neckline of his hoodie in anger like he was showing his chest). I had a pocket knife on me and a cordless hole-puncher but no way was I gonna let this demon get near me or my dog. He most likely had something on him as well + a disease or two minimum and I can't risk my dog getting hurt or me going to jail.
Even with that being said, I had no other options as that was the only path home so I ended up walking back on the other side of the street as a few cars passed us and he started walking away the same direction to stay in front of us, still talking shit and punching his fists together. He went far enough ahead, maybe thinking that's where I was headed to stay in my current path, that I managed to cross the street quickly in his direction and it startled him. He squared up again ~20yds from us but I gave quick glance and kept moving as we went back through the parking lot and went home, making sure he didn't follow again or see where I live.
My question is what can I do about someone who is now a known threat but an innocent life under your protection is with you while having your hands-tied legally(dogs are property under my state's law and I would be crucified if I took someone's life over them hurting or killing my dog)? I'm not too fond of some lowlife that's now seemingly claimed territory over my favorite place my dog and I like to spend time at, especially super close to home. The "calling the cops" route is useless, they can't do anything until something happens(their own words, almost verbatim).
So far I've just been taking her a different route but the issue still sits in the back of my mind.
Romanian self defense gun laws are so incredibly stupid.
It states that you should store your gun in a separate safe from your ammunition, locked at all times.
My f'in question is; If someone enters my home, wielding a knife or a bat at my family, how much time will he give me to unlock my also locked container in which i keep my ammo, load my gun, or insert a loaded magazine which also should be in a separate locked container from said firearm.
So by the time one can take action you can also start counting how many obituaries you'll have to write if you're still alive that is. (and i'm talking about rubber bullets btw, not even real ammo unless you go through the hassle of acquiring that permit.)
Also i've just had an incident where someone came inside my house, tried to strangle me with no provocation after i tried walking away, I gave him the pacifier (3 punches to the face and a headbutt) and then somehow i got in trouble because i used excessive force, in my own home.
How is this even possible. I have a 9 yr old sister, some 40 year old dude waltzes into my house, attacks me with no prior provocation, and then i'm in knee deep shit because of him. What.
EDIT: if someone is more knowledgeable, please feel free to share your perspective. I talked to a police officer after said incident, he was the one who told me that i have used excessive force (i'm 128 pounds to the other guy's 198-ish)
I have a video & im looking for a outsider perspective on if it appears self defence applies. comment or message & I will send the video
Looking for legal opinions on a self-defense homicide case.
Hypothetical scenario:
A man gets involved in an altercation at a bar after seeing a family member being attacked. During the chaos, he strikes a woman who he believes is involved in the altercation. The situation is eventually broken up and everyone is removed from the bar.
After leaving, the man goes to his vehicle and sits there for several minutes trying to locate the person he came with so they can leave. He makes multiple phone calls and remains in the vehicle for a period of time.
Eventually he gets out of the vehicle to look for the person he came with. While walking, he is recognized by several people (let’s say 5 people) connected to the earlier altercation. They begin confronting him about striking the woman earlier.
Initially he believes they just want to argue or demand an explanation. However, the confrontation becomes more heated. The group continues closing distance, another person joins them, and he begins backing away while raising his hands. Witnesses and video reportedly show him retreating and creating distance while the group continues moving toward him.
The video ends before the final use of force occurs.
The man ultimately uses deadly force, resulting in a death, and is later charged with murder.
Questions:
Legally, does the fact that the original bar fight had ended and everyone separated matter?
Does sitting in a vehicle for several minutes before the second confrontation help establish that these were two separate events?
How do juries generally view evidence showing someone backing away with their hands up?
Can a person reasonably fear death or serious bodily injury from a group of approximately four people approaching, even if no one has thrown a punch during the final encounter?
Does striking a woman earlier in the night automatically make the defendant the aggressor in the later confrontation?
If the video stops before the actual shooting, how do juries typically evaluate what likely happened next?
Would this fact pattern be more consistent with murder, voluntary manslaughter, or possible self-defense?
Interested in legal analysis and jury-perspective discussion rather than moral opinions.
Be a bad idea? I understand the ability to use proportionate force but what if you don’t have a firearm?
I know elbows can be used to block punches, but I was watching Mr Inbetween and there is a fight scene where he throws his elbow at the incoming punches (like his elbow is a baseball bat and the incoming punch is a ball) and he breaks the other guys hand doing this.
Is this realistic or possible? I imagine it would be difficult to pull off anyway.
im from a rural area and ive never had to worry about my safety going out by myself. im going to the big city next month, and i wouldnt be able to protect myself if i get attacked. i feel like i should get some self defense gear just in case like a rape alarm, pepper spray, taser, or something. im not sure where to start. what should i get and where from?
I’ve been boxing for a while but my form is sloppy, I learned the basics from a guy I met at my gym who is a professional boxer over the span of 4 months. Hes moved recently, and this summer I want to sharpen and improve my skills. My gym has a rec area with punching bags. I can’t afford a coach so I have to learn myself.
Hi I want advice on walking the neighborhood with a toddler in a stroller. occasionally my neighborhood has large dogs on the loose and I think a collapsible baton might be a compact tool that would be easy to juggle/carey. I think it would be good to create distance, deter and provide defense and I wouldn’t have to worry about my toddler pepper spraying herself if she gets her hands on it. The added benefit of having a tool for a woman and child from creeps is also undeniable
i don’t particularly want to CC a handgun in sweatpants with my toddler.
I know it’s against the law in some places but not in my state to open carry it, but my intent it more on creating a deterrent (especially for dogs) rather than beating someone like Rodney king.
So my friend came and visited me while I was staying in SF in a hotel for the weekend. We had a pretty chill weekend and he had parked in a garage about 2 blocks away. I help him carry some luggage and when we’re one block down we cross the street when the go light is on. I make it to the other side and wait on the corner of the intersection because we have to cross the street again and this homeless guy with a wagon of stuff I think was trying to cross to where we just were. He yells at me and says for me to get the fuck out of his way. I sidestep and he doesn’t move and just glares at me and is like DUDE WTF GET OUT MY WAY AND goes up to me and pushes me. I tell him fuck off and the other walkway goes off so my friend and I start crossing again. We looked back at the guy and he’s in the middle of his walkway just pissed off and still staring at me and is like YOU MADE ME DROP SOMETHJNG STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! He calls me the n word and f slur and yells and says he’s going to punch me in the face. My friend and I scurried off but he was just screaming at me as I was walking away. I don’t really want trouble but I honestly was not in this guys way at all and my friend said he was about to shove him if he got aggressive in my face or followed me.
How do you deal with aggressive homeless people if they literally aren’t even panhandling or anything but they just come up to you like they have a problem with you?
I’m a 5’10 pretty scrawny white guy, I’ve been to sf many times but never had an interaction like this. My friend is 6 ft and pretty big but I won’t always have friend nearby.
I work as a security sergeant for a large church and school complex — armed team, active shooter response protocols, the works. One of the things we prioritize in training is stress inoculation: making sure skills hold up when your body is under physical and emotional stress, not just at the range when everything is calm.
Most self-defense training I see focuses on technique in controlled conditions. Which is fine for building the skill — but it doesn't prepare you for the cardiovascular reality of an actual threat.
We recently filmed a drill: sprint 50 yards full effort, then immediately engage targets. I did this alongside one of our instructors (active duty, blurred on camera). The degradation in fine motor control is real and it's something every civilian who carries should understand and train for.
Curious whether others here incorporate this kind of training — and if so, what protocols you use.
Happy to share the footage if there's interest.
Hi, I am a 5”2 female weighing 115 pounds. I am looking to learn self defense skills to feel safer going out alone as a woman. Which martial arts would you recommend?
