I want something just to have in the house for some security and I can't do a gun. Like physically. I have artheritis in hands and also guns are heavy and so uncomfortable in my hands, but a Byrna was comfortable when I tested one out. didn't hurt as much. It seems like a decent option to like help you immobilize someone long enough to maybe get help. Or any other suggrstion for non-gun at home thing?
How do you make a 5'10-11, 200-300lbs man surrender to you? As In, how can you self defend against a man who is known for violence and abuse? He is a very giant man and his strength has never been questioned by anyone who know him yet there has been some circumstances where he'd threaten me with violence and power these days. So just in case something happens to me one day, I want to know where do I hit for him to feel enough pain to be unable to do anything to me for a good while. I'm not the kind of person to hurt someone at all but this is important because my life is on the life. Please give me some advices. Thank you.
I just came back from hanging out with a colleague of mine. It was my wife, her, and I. When we had our last cup of coffee and left the place, we were standing near my colleague's car, having our last two-minute conversation. Suddenly, I realized a guy was standing about 10 feet away from us, specifically behind us, wearing a puffer jacket (35-40°C weather btw), one hand in his pocket, and nervously looking around, constantly checking his watch on his wrist. After realizing this, I told my wife and my colleague to get in the car. She took us somewhere farther away, where she and my wife said that they both realized the weird guy. I know that we were safe then, nothing dangerous happened, or whatever could have happened was prevented thanks to our awareness, but I just can't get over it. I'm now at home, sitting in front of my laptop, imagining what could have happened. I'm imagining every single scenario, and I feel extremely stressed. What if something had happened and I couldn't protect my loved ones? I practiced martial arts before, Muay Thai for about 4 years, and I still kinda do, but I feel extremely stressed after similar situations. Even if nothing happened, I can't get over it and think about the situation for at least two days. Is this normal? Does this happen to all of us, or do I need some professional help?
They gave me the one dorm that gives me a genuine fear for my safety. I have to share a communal shower where any male in the building has access to me in the shower, which I’m terrified of what they could do to me. What would be the best way to defend myself in college communal shower?
I live alone in an apartment and I’ve been thinking more seriously about personal safety lately.
I’ve taken a basic self defense class, and I try to stay aware of my surroundings, but I’m trying to figure out what a realistic everyday self defense approach actually looks like beyond just that.
I get that martial arts takes time and I’m not expecting overnight results, so I’m more interested in practical things people actually use day to day.
For those who’ve thought this through, what does your setup or routine look like?
Is it mainly awareness, home security, pepper spray, habits, or a mix of things?
Just trying to build something realistic without overthinking or becoming paranoid.
I’m 32F, living alone in a city, and I’ve started thinking more seriously about personal safety after a couple incidents in my neighborhood.
The problem is I keep getting completely different advice depending on who I ask.
Some people say start with awareness + pepper spray. Others recommend martial arts like BJJ or Krav Maga. Some say firearms. And some say you eventually need a mix of everything.
I don’t really have the time or budget to do all of it at once, so I’m trying to figure out if there’s any kind of order or framework people use when starting from zero.
What did you prioritize first, and why? Did you build layers over time, or focus on one thing until you felt solid?
Also curious what you wish you had done differently in hindsight.
By Rob Andress
Violence Prevention Specialist
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
Fear and Respect Are Two Very Different Things
One of the biggest myths I hear is that fear creates respect.
It doesn’t.
Fear creates survival.
People often confuse the two because, on the surface, they can look the same. Someone becomes quiet. They stop arguing. They comply. They agree. They keep their head down.
Many people look at that behaviour and think, “See? They respect me.”
I don’t.
I see someone whose brain has shifted into survival mode.
After more than 30 years studying violence, teaching thousands of Canadians, and working with healthcare professionals, teachers, municipalities, REALTORS®, security teams, and young people, I’ve learned one thing that never changes:
Human behaviour makes far more sense when you understand what the brain is trying to accomplish.
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, we spend far less time asking, “What’s wrong with this person?” and much more time asking, “What is this person’s brain trying to achieve right now?”
That question changes everything.
The Brain Doesn’t Care About Your Ego
Your brain has one primary job.
Keep you alive.
It doesn’t care whether you’re in a boardroom, a classroom, a hospital, or at home arguing with your partner.
If your brain believes you’re under threat, it starts changing how you think, how you communicate, and how you behave.
That’s biology.
Not weakness.
Not attitude.
Not disrespect.
Fight, Flight, Freeze… and Fawn
Most people have heard of fight or flight.
Far fewer understand freeze or fawn.
Yet I see these responses every week.
Someone becomes aggressive.
Someone walks away.
Someone shuts down.
Someone smiles, apologizes, agrees with everything being said, and tries desperately not to upset the other person.
People often mistake that last one for respect.
It isn’t.
It’s called fawning, and it’s one of the brain’s survival strategies when someone feels they can’t fight or escape.
Understanding that can completely change how we interpret human behaviour.
This Happens Every Day
Think about the employee who’s afraid to question the boss.
The teenager who agrees because they don’t want to be rejected.
The healthcare worker who stays silent.
The victim of domestic violence who appears loyal to the very person hurting them.
The student who laughs at the bully’s joke.
People often ask,
“Why didn’t they just say something?”
Because sometimes the safest thing the brain believes it can do… is survive the moment.
That isn’t weakness.
That’s human biology doing exactly what it evolved to do.
Fear Produces Compliance. It Doesn’t Produce Trust.
If people only listen because they’re afraid…
they’re not following you.
They’re managing you.
They’re constantly assessing risk.
They stop sharing ideas.
They stop reporting problems.
They stop telling you the truth.
They simply become better at surviving around you.
That’s not leadership.
That’s intimidation.
And intimidation has never been a sustainable way to build healthy relationships, healthy workplaces, or safer communities.
This Is Why We Teach Behaviour First
Everything we teach at Street Safe Self Defence Training Company starts with one principle.
Understand behaviour before you attempt control.
Whether it’s our CARE (Clinical Awareness & Response to Escalation) program for healthcare, TRAACS (Tactical Risk Awareness & Applied Combatives System) for municipalities and security professionals, or our work with schools and REALTORS®, the principle never changes.
Violence doesn’t come out of nowhere.
Behaviour tells the story first.
If we learn to recognize that story early enough, we often prevent the violence from ever happening.
That’s what real violence prevention looks like.
Not bigger muscles.
Not better punches.
Better understanding.
Respect Has to Be Earned
Respect grows through consistency.
Integrity.
Fairness.
Competence.
Keeping your word.
Treating people with dignity.
Fear takes a different path.
Fear grows through uncertainty.
Control.
Threats.
Humiliation.
Power.
They may produce similar behaviour in the short term.
But they’re completely different experiences for the person living through them.
One builds relationships.
The other builds survival strategies.
Final Thoughts
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the years is this:
Behaviour always makes sense once you understand what the brain believes it’s protecting.
The next time someone becomes quiet, agrees with everything, avoids conflict, or suddenly changes their behaviour, don’t automatically assume you’ve earned their respect.
Ask yourself a better question.
Have I earned their trust… or have I simply triggered their survival response?
Those are two very different things.
Understanding that difference is one of the foundations of violence prevention.
And it’s one of the reasons we continue teaching people across Canada that violence isn’t just about what happens during an assault.
It’s about understanding human behaviour long before violence ever begins.
Because at Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, our mission has never been to teach people how to win fights.
Our mission is much simpler.
Stop the Before, so the After Never Happens.
About the Author
Rob Andress is a Violence Prevention Specialist and co-founder of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, one of Canada’s leaders in reality-based violence prevention education. Along with Beth Andress, he provides evidence-informed training to healthcare professionals, municipalities, educators, security teams, corporations, and real estate professionals across Canada. His work focuses on behavioural awareness, situational awareness, conflict management, and violence prevention through understanding human behaviour.
Learn More
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
https://www.streetsafeselfdefence.com/
CARE – Clinical Awareness & Response to Escalation
https://www.streetsafeselfdefence.com/care/
TRAACS – Tactical Risk Awareness & Applied Combatives System
https://streetsafeselfdefence.com/traacs-training/
Street Safe for Agents
https://www.streetsafeforagents.com/
References
American Psychological Association – Trauma and Stress: https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma
Cleveland Clinic – Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Responses: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn
Polyvagal Institute: https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/
Sapolsky, R. M. Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers.
Porges, S. W. The Polyvagal Theory.
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I’m assuming it’s a joke, but if you’ve just posted about how happy you are that you’re now licensed by the police to carry a gun and use deadly force, then perhaps they should take another look at your psychological eval.
I've heard people say "do not go to the second location" but does anyone actually know what happens in "the second location" other than "nothing good" or "something you'll probably never survive". Everyone always discusses it in vague errie terms, but like, what happens at a second location?
I don't feel comfortable giving advice any further. It seems as many inquiries are not about defense, but actually offense. Clean your mind.
In my country, in order to qualify as a "cold weapon", the blade length of a knife must be more than 90 mm. I'm pretty sure that a 90 mm blade won't be effective in a self-defense scenario, against a fairly muscular/fat dude. What kind of blade length is guaranteed to incapacitate? If you're jumped at by an attacker and the only thing accessible is your knife, you wouldn't want to lightly graze the fat and muscle tissue, would you? If your opponent is under influence of substances or just a violent kind of schizo, that kind of damage won't stop him for a pretty long while, and that's not the kind of risk you want to take when it comes to self-defense. Sorry if my post violates the rules.
I was targeted by a violent(and possibly homeless) man the day before yesterday. I was walking my dog as I normally do, 6am in the morning, bright out, and this tall skinny crackhead-looking guy was standing in the middle of the grass area I have to pass to get to the big church parking lot I do laps in everyday. I've never seen him before.
As I rounded the bushes at the corner of the grass area, I spotted him immediately since he was wearing a bright gray hoodie w/ hood up, light blue sweatpants, and he was already mean-mugging me hard. What startled me the most was how fast my gut began screaming at me that this was serious. My dog noticed him as well and he rushed me almost immediately as my dog began to bark and snap at him(he was ~10yds from us, on the other side of a low 2ft bush that was inbetween us). He was speaking through his teeth with a hoodrat/gangster accent that he was gonna kill me and my dog so I stuck out my arm, pointing directly at his face, and told him not to come near me as my dog and I kept walking ahead while also holding my dog back from biting him.
He completely ignored my dog lunging and barking at him while advancing towards me, hands tucked, and kept low mumbling the disgusting things he was gonna do to me while following me a short distance through the huge empty parking lot which made me nervous. If he wasn't afraid of my dog ready to attack him, he was 100% ready to fulfill his earlier death-threats to kill us. But I guess since I didn't give him the reaction he wanted quickly enough, he stopped and went back when I acted like I ignored him and shrugged him off as unimportant, as I usually do to POS like him. Unfortunately it didn't end there.
He continued stalking me as we walked down the street and was now waiting for me to pass him on the way home. I turned around to check and he was pacing around back and forth like a rabid animal and still talking to himself right in the pathway we just had came from, repeatedly staring me down and posturing to square up at me(he even ripped the neckline of his hoodie in anger like he was showing his chest). I had a pocket knife on me and a cordless hole-puncher but no way was I gonna let this demon get near me or my dog. He most likely had something on him as well + a disease or two minimum and I can't risk my dog getting hurt or me going to jail.
Even with that being said, I had no other options as that was the only path home so I ended up walking back on the other side of the street as a few cars passed us and he started walking away the same direction to stay in front of us, still talking shit and punching his fists together. He went far enough ahead, maybe thinking that's where I was headed to stay in my current path, that I managed to cross the street quickly in his direction and it startled him. He squared up again ~20yds from us but I gave quick glance and kept moving as we went back through the parking lot and went home, making sure he didn't follow again or see where I live.
My question is what can I do about someone who is now a known threat but an innocent life under your protection is with you while having your hands-tied legally(dogs are property under my state's law and I would be crucified if I took someone's life over them hurting or killing my dog)? I'm not too fond of some lowlife that's now seemingly claimed territory over my favorite place my dog and I like to spend time at, especially super close to home. The "calling the cops" route is useless, they can't do anything until something happens(their own words, almost verbatim).
So far I've just been taking her a different route but the issue still sits in the back of my mind.
Romanian self defense gun laws are so incredibly stupid.
It states that you should store your gun in a separate safe from your ammunition, locked at all times.
My f'in question is; If someone enters my home, wielding a knife or a bat at my family, how much time will he give me to unlock my also locked container in which i keep my ammo, load my gun, or insert a loaded magazine which also should be in a separate locked container from said firearm.
So by the time one can take action you can also start counting how many obituaries you'll have to write if you're still alive that is. (and i'm talking about rubber bullets btw, not even real ammo unless you go through the hassle of acquiring that permit.)
Also i've just had an incident where someone came inside my house, tried to strangle me with no provocation after i tried walking away, I gave him the pacifier (3 punches to the face and a headbutt) and then somehow i got in trouble because i used excessive force, in my own home.
How is this even possible. I have a 9 yr old sister, some 40 year old dude waltzes into my house, attacks me with no prior provocation, and then i'm in knee deep shit because of him. What.
EDIT: if someone is more knowledgeable, please feel free to share your perspective. I talked to a police officer after said incident, he was the one who told me that i have used excessive force (i'm 128 pounds to the other guy's 198-ish)
I have a video & im looking for a outsider perspective on if it appears self defence applies. comment or message & I will send the video
Looking for legal opinions on a self-defense homicide case.
Hypothetical scenario:
A man gets involved in an altercation at a bar after seeing a family member being attacked. During the chaos, he strikes a woman who he believes is involved in the altercation. The situation is eventually broken up and everyone is removed from the bar.
After leaving, the man goes to his vehicle and sits there for several minutes trying to locate the person he came with so they can leave. He makes multiple phone calls and remains in the vehicle for a period of time.
Eventually he gets out of the vehicle to look for the person he came with. While walking, he is recognized by several people (let’s say 5 people) connected to the earlier altercation. They begin confronting him about striking the woman earlier.
Initially he believes they just want to argue or demand an explanation. However, the confrontation becomes more heated. The group continues closing distance, another person joins them, and he begins backing away while raising his hands. Witnesses and video reportedly show him retreating and creating distance while the group continues moving toward him.
The video ends before the final use of force occurs.
The man ultimately uses deadly force, resulting in a death, and is later charged with murder.
Questions:
Legally, does the fact that the original bar fight had ended and everyone separated matter?
Does sitting in a vehicle for several minutes before the second confrontation help establish that these were two separate events?
How do juries generally view evidence showing someone backing away with their hands up?
Can a person reasonably fear death or serious bodily injury from a group of approximately four people approaching, even if no one has thrown a punch during the final encounter?
Does striking a woman earlier in the night automatically make the defendant the aggressor in the later confrontation?
If the video stops before the actual shooting, how do juries typically evaluate what likely happened next?
Would this fact pattern be more consistent with murder, voluntary manslaughter, or possible self-defense?
Interested in legal analysis and jury-perspective discussion rather than moral opinions.
Be a bad idea? I understand the ability to use proportionate force but what if you don’t have a firearm?
I know elbows can be used to block punches, but I was watching Mr Inbetween and there is a fight scene where he throws his elbow at the incoming punches (like his elbow is a baseball bat and the incoming punch is a ball) and he breaks the other guys hand doing this.
Is this realistic or possible? I imagine it would be difficult to pull off anyway.
im from a rural area and ive never had to worry about my safety going out by myself. im going to the big city next month, and i wouldnt be able to protect myself if i get attacked. i feel like i should get some self defense gear just in case like a rape alarm, pepper spray, taser, or something. im not sure where to start. what should i get and where from?
I’ve been boxing for a while but my form is sloppy, I learned the basics from a guy I met at my gym who is a professional boxer over the span of 4 months. Hes moved recently, and this summer I want to sharpen and improve my skills. My gym has a rec area with punching bags. I can’t afford a coach so I have to learn myself.
Hi I want advice on walking the neighborhood with a toddler in a stroller. occasionally my neighborhood has large dogs on the loose and I think a collapsible baton might be a compact tool that would be easy to juggle/carey. I think it would be good to create distance, deter and provide defense and I wouldn’t have to worry about my toddler pepper spraying herself if she gets her hands on it. The added benefit of having a tool for a woman and child from creeps is also undeniable
i don’t particularly want to CC a handgun in sweatpants with my toddler.
I know it’s against the law in some places but not in my state to open carry it, but my intent it more on creating a deterrent (especially for dogs) rather than beating someone like Rodney king.
So my friend came and visited me while I was staying in SF in a hotel for the weekend. We had a pretty chill weekend and he had parked in a garage about 2 blocks away. I help him carry some luggage and when we’re one block down we cross the street when the go light is on. I make it to the other side and wait on the corner of the intersection because we have to cross the street again and this homeless guy with a wagon of stuff I think was trying to cross to where we just were. He yells at me and says for me to get the fuck out of his way. I sidestep and he doesn’t move and just glares at me and is like DUDE WTF GET OUT MY WAY AND goes up to me and pushes me. I tell him fuck off and the other walkway goes off so my friend and I start crossing again. We looked back at the guy and he’s in the middle of his walkway just pissed off and still staring at me and is like YOU MADE ME DROP SOMETHJNG STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! He calls me the n word and f slur and yells and says he’s going to punch me in the face. My friend and I scurried off but he was just screaming at me as I was walking away. I don’t really want trouble but I honestly was not in this guys way at all and my friend said he was about to shove him if he got aggressive in my face or followed me.
How do you deal with aggressive homeless people if they literally aren’t even panhandling or anything but they just come up to you like they have a problem with you?
I’m a 5’10 pretty scrawny white guy, I’ve been to sf many times but never had an interaction like this. My friend is 6 ft and pretty big but I won’t always have friend nearby.
I work as a security sergeant for a large church and school complex — armed team, active shooter response protocols, the works. One of the things we prioritize in training is stress inoculation: making sure skills hold up when your body is under physical and emotional stress, not just at the range when everything is calm.
Most self-defense training I see focuses on technique in controlled conditions. Which is fine for building the skill — but it doesn't prepare you for the cardiovascular reality of an actual threat.
We recently filmed a drill: sprint 50 yards full effort, then immediately engage targets. I did this alongside one of our instructors (active duty, blurred on camera). The degradation in fine motor control is real and it's something every civilian who carries should understand and train for.
Curious whether others here incorporate this kind of training — and if so, what protocols you use.
Happy to share the footage if there's interest.
Hi, I am a 5”2 female weighing 115 pounds. I am looking to learn self defense skills to feel safer going out alone as a woman. Which martial arts would you recommend?
Things like pepper spray aren’t allowed. Bear spray is allowed but only for hikes. I had someone shove me extremely hard and choke me and I weigh around 120lbs!
All I did was freeze. I didn’t even get to report it since I felt extreme shame!
How do I prepare myself if something like that happens again? I grew up in an abusive household which made me a prime target for predators and abusers.
I am still angry about the incident.
What YouTube videos can I watch to learn how to defend myself?
I don’t have money for BJJ and self defence classes.
Hi guys I had a very interesting encounter today on 73rd and Broadway and I’m beating myself up for it.
I saw this man about 5”9 skinny but strong build seemingly harass this older man outside of a bank. By the time I got close he was already walking away. I had gotten in front of him and turned around to him accosting an old woman. She must’ve been 85+ she was using a walker and hunched over completely moving at snail speed. He had his arm around her and kept saying “You got beer?! Give me beer! So I stepped in and put my hand in between them not touching him and said hey man just let her go she doesn’t have anything. In a very nice and calm way. For context I am also 5”9 (same height as this guy), 180lbs right now with muscle not fat and have trained Muay Thai for 3 years and BJJ for two. I’m not some UFC fighter but I can hold my own against the average person. Back to the story. After I stepped in and spoke to him he turned to me and said are you with her angrily. I said yeah I’m with her hoping that would deescalate the situation right away. He turns to her and asks her “is he with you?” and this damn lady says no! Like are you stupid I am trying to fucking help you. So then the guy turns to me and tells me to back the fuck away. I stood my ground and tried to talk him down until the old lady had gotten away and had some distance between us. He then gets in my face and is yelling “walk away bro I’m going to beat the shit out of you” etc etc. So I stood in his face for a couple seconds talking to him and my right hand was twitching I truly truly wanted to smash his face into the ground. But I said okay man you got it and walked away. He began to follow me for a couple blocks at a distance saying walk away man walk away I’m going to fuck you up. I would stop periodically and say you’re going to attack me for helping an old woman? You’re going to attack me on Broadway? But he continued to walk forward yelling so I walked away and called the cops. They told me that they can’t even do anything if they find him since he didn’t touch me. I said what would have happened if I hit him when he was in my face and they said I would have gone to jail. They said even if he hits you and you’re rolling around you’re both going to jail. They did say that realistically the court case would be open and shut since he’s a lunatic but I did the right thing for helping the lady and not fighting him. I feel like a pussy though. He was a bad guy and a bully and I wanted to show him why you shouldn’t bully anyone you see on the street. I was very scared of him having a weapon though and that also made me hesitant. I just feel like a baby and I should have taken into my own hands and not walked away. I feel terrible about this. What do you guys think? Did I do the right thing or should I have taken it to the next step?
I heard my self defense instructor the other day say that if you kick a guy in the groin hard enough he will vomit. like I know it's possible for that to happen (men UFC etc..) but how frequent/true is this realistically? have any other women seen/done this before?
Keep in mind, I don’t do bjj at all, Ive boxed for a few years at max. There’s this kid at my high school who is constantly trying to instigate a fight by pushing people around. He does bjj, and is on my schools wrestling team. Unfortunately hes in my gym class and in the locker rooms he’s constantly coming after me, picking on me and stuff. Hes done this before and let’s say if anything happens, what can I do so I don’t end up on the lockeroom floor? My schools administrators don’t do squat btw.
It's a well-known statistic that a large fraction of homicides are committed by romantic partners, with affairs being one of the leading causes. Women, especially, are at far higher risk. If a woman is killed, it's very likely that the killer was a current or former romantic partner or spouse. Some stats go as far as to show that more than 3 out of every 4 women murdered were murdered by either a romantic partner or family.
So, what is the best way to defend yourself from being murdered in such domestic situations? Especially if you are cheating and could be caught at any time? What would you do to save yourself if your spouse catches you in bed with your lover? Especially considering that some other aggressor, like a robber or a home intruder, might be calm, methodical, and somewhat reasonable (like, give me money and I'll let you go), but the spouse who has just found out about the affair would be freaking out in a terrifying way? How do you defend against a person who is completely unpredictable like that? Unfortunately, even the law is on the side of the aggressor, with punishments as little as just one year or even simply probation in some states.
If someone pins ur lower body with their body weight and hold ur hands and is overpowering u in strength or bodyweight...how do u break free from it ? How do get out of that what method/technique/trick can be used for it assuming both parties involved are unarmed and it's not for any sport or anything but for self defence from an attack ....very intrested to know please let me know
I’m 19, about 5’8” and I don’t have much fighting experience. Today I was walking on the sidewalk with my girlfriend when a guy who was sitting near the sidewalk/parking lot suddenly rushed toward me.
I didn’t really notice him at first because he was off to the side, but I was glancing around my surroundings and ended up making eye contact with him. Right after that, he immediately got up/rushed me like he wanted to fight. He got really close to me, started threatening me, and was acting very aggressive and wanting to “smash my head”.
The guy looked around 6’5”, way bigger than me, and seemed unstable. I honestly felt like if he actually attacked me, I probably wouldn’t have won because of the size difference and because he got so close so fast. I also had my girlfriend with me, so I was trying not to escalate anything or make the situation worse.
I ended up de-escalating by keeping my hands up, not acting aggressive, and saying things like “sorry” and trying to calm him down. Eventually it didn’t turn into a fight, but afterward I kept thinking about how close it came and how unprepared I felt.
For people with actual self-defense experience, what should I have done in that situation? How do you create distance when someone much bigger is already within a couple feet of you? How do you protect yourself and someone you’re with without escalating the situation? Also, how do you avoid freezing when someone suddenly rushes you like that?
I 30F recently started dating someone, also 30F. For some reason when I’ve been single or in other relationships, keeping my partner safe if something were to happen hasn’t really crossed my mind. The only time I can think of is when my ex and I were driving somewhere separately a road rager was trying to push her out of her lane. We stopped a red light and I yelled at him out my window that she was my girlfriend and to leave her alone. That was the first time I’ve considered I might be in genuine danger but I think I was so angry and worked up that I didn’t really consider what I’d do if he tried to hurt us.
Recently, my current partner and I were getting ice cream and she accidentally bumped into this guy, and he touched her back for a little too long before moving away from her. Not a huge deal, expect this man also had a sword on him and was wandering around the place not ordering anything, walking in and out of the bathroom, and just in general being sketchy. Both of us were really uncomfortable. Side note: she lives in Chicago and I live in the suburbs. If a man with a sword walked into an establishment where I live, the cops would have been called immediately by someone, but obviously it’s not unusual to see weird shit in the city.
Later that night, my girl made a joke about how I didn’t “protect her” from this guy. And for some reason that’s when it really hit me that if that guy had tried to hurt her, I’m not sure I would have been of any use. Again, if there was an actual threat or if I was mad, there’s a possibility I would try, but I’m smart enough to know that being mad is not a strategy for defending yourself or someone else.
In recent years, especially living in the US, I’ve wondered if I should get a gun just in case I ever need it. But I genuinely don’t feel comfortable with the idea of being armed. I do believe everyone should know gun safety and how to use one (I’ve been to a range and was taught the bare basics) but the idea of carrying that around just is a challenging concept for me at the moment. Now, my girl has a gun, but she doesn’t carry it in public and I think it’s more for protecting herself at home. Out in public she carries mace and sometimes a taser.
I know she wants to be with someone who would protect her, and it’s starting to really bother me that I’m not that person right now. In the last few months I have been interested in learning boxing and there’s a boxing gym about 5 minutes from me. I’ve also considered BJJ (again, a gym very close to me). I’m not even gonna ask the question of if I should start doing some form of martial art because the answer is obvious. If I’m not gonna carry a gun, I should at least know how to fight.
So, this was more of a rant than anything but I’m open to hearing any thoughts.
My wife and i went out for a late movie night a couple nights ago. We’re in Orange County California and we’ve always heard about the crime rates but never witnessed anything ourselves.
We were arriving within our gated community around 3 am when i see a black jeep just idling in the middle of the road within the community. I drive around him and he begins to follow closely. I park my car within our parking garage which is next to everyone else cars. However he parks his car directly behind to block me. We weren’t aware that we were followed until my wife exits the car and is immediately rushed by a hispanic man asking her “Quien eres?”. I grab my wife and pull her into the car and i pull out of the spot barely squeezing through. i attempt to block their car so i can get their license when he suddenly floors it. Had i not moved he would’ve t-boned me.
My wife and i were clearly shaken from the situation and i honestly don’t know what i could’ve done to protect her or myself. If the assailant was armed would any hand to hand combat really help? Should i consider taking course and arm myself while i get a taser for my wife? I’m relieved nothing happened but i’m concerned of ever being caught off guard and defenseless.
I appreciate any advice and if this isn’t the right subreddit to post this in please let me know where i should post this!
I have come across plenty of safety pendants, and I have also seen one of the talk shows promoting safety pendants. These pendants have features like a press button to trigger either a fake call, SOS with Location tracking, and a loud alarm. I'm just super curious to know whether these work or not.
