Conflicted about carrying, no one to talk to about it.

My job, my location, and other factors leave me with no one to talk to about this. Live in a sketchy area, walk my dogs morning and night alone, have been around firearms my whole life and am very comfortable with them. Decided to get my CC permit and have been carrying for a short time now. Before I got the permit I just couldnt wait to get it, and felt like I was putting myself at risk by walking around at night/early morning without more than a knife. Now that I have it, I get conflicted feelings. "Do I actually want to always be thinking about how/when I need to draw my weapon"? "Am I really at risk without a gun", "If I was accosted in the street, chances are a gun would be at my head before I even noticed the attacker approaching, am I at greater risk for just having a gun on me?" Im sure these questions are all usual suspects for new carriers.How about the religious folks out there? Thou shalt not kill. Yet here we are all walking around with killing tools hidden under our clothes, "just in case", right? I dont know. I feel (irrationally) everyone around me judging me, even thought they dont know I have a gun, if they did, they would be horrified and feel betrayed. But what if I saved their live when some heroin addict tries to kill them for the $12 in their wallet? All just "what ifs". I just wish I had someone to talk to about it. Maybe this community can help. via /r/CCW http://ift.tt/2yNbh17