The other night I was at a friend's birthday in a beautiful village in Spain. There was a local celebration with music and art shows, and we were sitting on a bar terrace around midnight. I was tired but in a good mood.
A drunk guy came over asking for a lighter. I told him I didn't have one, and he replied something like, "I'd only accept a lighter from a lady anyway." I jokingly said, "Well, nobody's going to give you one anyway."
He immediately got closer and started insulting me—telling me I should shoot myself, get out of this world, that I was uneducated, that I didn't use my brain, etc. I hadn't really said anything to him beyond that first comment. My friends were talking among themselves and didn't really notice what was happening.
I was confused because his aggression was intense enough that I started wondering whether I was justified in physically defending myself if he attacked. At the same time, I didn't want some drunk stranger to ruin my night. Looking back, I wonder if my first response was a mistake. Maybe if I'd simply ignored him, he would've walked away.
Instead, I let him talk for a while and eventually decided to ignore him. He then moved on to my female friend, bothering her, kissing her hand and asking her for a cigarette while she was clearly uncomfortable. I still didn't intervene physically.
Eventually he left. Nothing happened, but I had a huge adrenaline spike during the confrontation and felt strangely defeated afterwards. The next day I realized how much the encounter had affected me. I had let some random drunk guy get inside my head and ruin my mood.
I'm still unsure what the right approach was. Maybe the best option was to ignore him from the very beginning. But once he was already in my space and bothering my friend, part of me felt I should have imposed myself more firmly and told him to leave. The problem was that I didn't want things to become physical and I was afraid of it.
A year ago I had a similar situation with another drunk guy, and I felt confident enough to stand my ground until he backed off. This time the guy seemed much more willing to fight and I was also more tired to be imposing.
So, what would you have done? Would you have ignored him from the start? At what point do you think ignoring someone stops being the right response? And for situations like this, what martial art would you recommend—especially something focused on controlling or neutralizing someone rather than just punching them? How to act classy yet imposing in such scenario? What can I do now to feel better about myself?
Submitted 2026-08-23T10:02:08Z by Mansohorizonte https://ift.tt/ni0oZvd
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