How do I toughen up?

Hey everyone.

Not sure if this is the right sub, but just had to put this out there.

I am a coward and a pussy. I was confronted by someone who was physically threatening me and I froze. I caved in emotionally and fear paralyzed me.

There is a backstory to this, but to give an overview, it wasn’t random. He was married to a girl who he’d been physically and emotionally abusive towards. She wanted to leave him and in our time together as friends, we both fell in love with each other and she wanted to be with me. This incident happened right after he found out about her wanting to leave and my involvement.

He tracked me down and started punching me and I just let him. My mind and body were just paralyzed with fear. I was lucid throughout and didn't lose consciousness but I wasn't able to muster the will or energy to hit back.

I don't know what to do. The incident is over, but I can't shake that feeling off since he threatened to kill me next time. I don't feel safe walking down and going alone anywhere gives me paranoia. I’ve even been having nightmares about him breaking into my house and killing me and was sleeping holding a knife to give me some semblance of security.

Other guys I know that are macho (for lack of another word) have also said what a pussy I was. Because I had become suicidal since I was just stressed with the whole situation.

I have been feeling really insecure in who I am since. My father also has such tendencies, someone once confronted him and he just froze and let him push him around. I know this is something that has been in me genetically but I need to overcome this cowardice. I work out and am a decently fit guy. The guy who beat me up was about 6 inches taller than me but 6 years younger and as a grown man in his mid 30s, that feeling has left me very depressed and powerless.

How do I overcome this? I wish I had been in the army or spend time in prison, since that would have toughened me up, but I've had a very cushy life. I am well educated, presentable, and deep down a *nice* guy. This incident made me realize there is a lot of growing up I need to do.

I was thinking of joining an mma gym or take self defense classes so if I ever find myself in such a situation, I can defend myself and also instill fear in the person who dare messes with me.

For now, I'm just a pussy that froze and got beat up. It wasn't that he beat me in a fair fight, it was that I froze in fear and just took shots like a pussy.

If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears because it is my mission to fix this mental blockade. I will not turn into my dad! I need to toughen the fuck up! How do I go about doing that because I cannot continue to live like this, knowing the next time the going gets tough, I’ll crumble like a little bitch.

Sorry if the language was inappropriate, just needed some advice on what I should do from here.

Submitted November 27, 2019 at 07:57AM by Throwaway8throwaway5 https://ift.tt/2DkW3zZ