Sick and Tired of being afraid all the time.

I'm a 40 yo male, married with father of two children and to be honest I'm just so sick and tired of being afraid all the time whenever I go outside. It's ridiculous. I hear people shouting or cursing and my heartrate immediately goes up, I withdraw and make myself small. I never make eye contact, I always try to avoid any confrontation. I fcking hate it. Now that I am a father I despise myself because I am worried I won't be able to defend my children or my wife if necessary. I've even noticed I start hushing my son (7 yo) in public if I feel anyone might take offense if he says something confrontational (mainly if we're at a sports match surrounded by fans of team A and he starts cheering for team B).

It's also quite ironic that I'm such a coward because I live in Eastern Europe and violent crime is extremely rare. I've never even seen a gun or a knife in my life, the only violence I'm likely to encounter is road rage, hooligans or muggings. But I'm just so scared of getting beat up, it's depressing for me and (if they would ever find out) those around me.

I've done some Krav Maga for few months couple years ago but did not got the feeling I was getting more confident and I was actually more worried about the focus on lethal moves we were learning (throat punches etc), then covid hit and I did not resume it afterwards. I'm thinking to pick up kickboxing or something in the near future, but to be honest the most important part is getting over the crippling fear which can't be dealt with by kickboxing alone I presume.

Honestly not sure if I'm in the right sub for this, but maybe anyone has experience with such feelings and advice on how to improve?

Submitted April 17, 2024 at 03:31PM by Lonely_Revolution_71 https://ift.tt/oDbw0p9