I 30F recently started dating someone, also 30F. For some reason when I’ve been single or in other relationships, keeping my partner safe if something were to happen hasn’t really crossed my mind. The only time I can think of is when my ex and I were driving somewhere separately a road rager was trying to push her out of her lane. We stopped a red light and I yelled at him out my window that she was my girlfriend and to leave her alone. That was the first time I’ve considered I might be in genuine danger but I think I was so angry and worked up that I didn’t really consider what I’d do if he tried to hurt us.
Recently, my current partner and I were getting ice cream and she accidentally bumped into this guy, and he touched her back for a little too long before moving away from her. Not a huge deal, expect this man also had a sword on him and was wandering around the place not ordering anything, walking in and out of the bathroom, and just in general being sketchy. Both of us were really uncomfortable. Side note: she lives in Chicago and I live in the suburbs. If a man with a sword walked into an establishment where I live, the cops would have been called immediately by someone, but obviously it’s not unusual to see weird shit in the city.
Later that night, my girl made a joke about how I didn’t “protect her” from this guy. And for some reason that’s when it really hit me that if that guy had tried to hurt her, I’m not sure I would have been of any use. Again, if there was an actual threat or if I was mad, there’s a possibility I would try, but I’m smart enough to know that being mad is not a strategy for defending yourself or someone else.
In recent years, especially living in the US, I’ve wondered if I should get a gun just in case I ever need it. But I genuinely don’t feel comfortable with the idea of being armed. I do believe everyone should know gun safety and how to use one (I’ve been to a range and was taught the bare basics) but the idea of carrying that around just is a challenging concept for me at the moment. Now, my girl has a gun, but she doesn’t carry it in public and I think it’s more for protecting herself at home. Out in public she carries mace and sometimes a taser.
I know she wants to be with someone who would protect her, and it’s starting to really bother me that I’m not that person right now. In the last few months I have been interested in learning boxing and there’s a boxing gym about 5 minutes from me. I’ve also considered BJJ (again, a gym very close to me). I’m not even gonna ask the question of if I should start doing some form of martial art because the answer is obvious. If I’m not gonna carry a gun, I should at least know how to fight.
So, this was more of a rant than anything but I’m open to hearing any thoughts.
Submitted June 6, 2026 at 10:02PM by OopsAllTistic https://ift.tt/Kw0yu43
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