Basically I (18M) want to learn self defense but I've never actually done it or stayed consistent with learning. Logically, I know that nobody is born knowing how to fight properly, and you don't know how until you're taught. As with any learned skill. So no one is going to mock me for not knowing what I'm doing in the beginning. Logically I know this. But I have anxiety, autism, and horrible self confidence due to being bullied into isolation my whole life.
I'm so used to being the outcast, and being beaten down (emotionally) that I've started hurting myself (again, emotionally) as much as others do. I want to learn self defense but my brain always cycles through degrading thoughts such as "You're weak, and you'll always be weak. They're gonna see how weak you are and you'll look stupid. Why would anyone bother to teach someone as incapable of you? You'll never be like your brother. Blah blah blah self hatred blah blah blah." Yeah, that's probably stupid, but it is keeping from doing this (and plenty of other things) and I don't know how to get over it.
It's not like I have no confidence. I'm confident in my appearance, my writing, my art, my intelligence, my humor. I don't think there's nothing good about me. But strength is not a trait I'd use to describe myself, physically speaking. I know what I'm good at and I tend to stay in my comfort zone. I'm terrified to step out of it and I don't even know if I can.
Anyway. I know I talk too much, I just want to provide enough context. Maybe this isn't the right place for this post but I was just wondering if anyone here had the same experience and was able to overcome it.
I feel like its especially important for me to learn because I'm part of a marginalized community and don't live in the most tolerant area, so who knows when someone might try to hurt or kill me🤷🏻♂️
Submitted September 07, 2025 at 04:37PM by sillyshit3000 https://ift.tt/0zFPN2x
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